And So It Begins: My Road to the White House
It begins with a book. Also this morning, a few promos from Indie authors
Programming note: If you want to skip Jade’s silliness and go straight to the promos, they’re at the end of this post. If this post is too long for your email, click/tap the title to go to the post.
When I say the characters in my novels come to life, I mean it literally.
Jade Mourning, the main protagonist from my novel Psalm of Vampires, once again dropped in on me while I was dining. I don’t know why he does that. It’s annoying.
He’s done it before. If you don’t believe me, have a look-see:
Okay, yeah, he looks a little different there. I can’t explain these things aside from the fact that there are limitations on stock image options out there in the real world.
“You should run for president,” he said as he appeared in front of me while I was shoving copious amounts of unidentifiable food from Golden Corral into my gullet. “All you need to do is write a best seller. It doesn’t even have to be good.”
“I wouldn’t be a very good president,” I objected. “I’d imprison half the country for voting for a serial rapist.”
“So? Being good at the job is not the point, is it?” he insisted.
In my best Jon Stewart voice, I said, “Go awwwwnnnnn.”
“Who are the most underrepresented people on this planet?” he asked. “Us.” He pointed to his chest, which was covered in a shirt that looked cut from cheap black satin. “Moi. And the House of Argeadai. And other vampire houses.”
“Well, to be frank, there’s not much left of the House of Argeadai. There’s like, one of you.”
Jade shrugged. “All you need to do,” he continued, “is write a bestseller. I suggest calling it “A Vampire Elegy, since that’s a proven model.”
“What’s a proven model?”
“Something something Elegy. Also? Vampire stories sell.”
“Not mine,” I whined.
“It will. Just gotta stick with it. It’s about me, after all. I even play a banjo in the first novel, just like the hillbillies in that other book.”
“That was a mandolin you played,” I corrected.
“Whatever, dude. Small-assed stringed instrument that most people don’t want to hear.”
“I like mandolins. And banjos. Anyway, if people don’t want to hear it, why did you play it?” I asked.
“To annoy the cops. Didn’t you read your own book?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t much interested in talking to Jade because he had promised a bestseller when he told me his story and all I got was one review and occasional, unwelcome visits from the undead.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said, pointing his finger against my chest.
“That’s alarming,” I responded, shoving a few chicken wings into my mouth.
“You’re thinking you’ve gained nothing from this relationship,” he said. “You know, money isn’t everything. Why do they call those things chicken wings? They’re not fuckin’ chicken wings. They’re chicken tenders. Wings have bones. This is seriously one of the dumbest societies I’ve ever had to live through.”
“Tell me about it,” I said, wiping the sauce dripping down my chin with a napkin.
“This brings me, of course, back to the new novel. A Vampire Elegy will sell a quadzillion copies and will upload you immediately into presidential frontrunner status.” He looked around. “These people really are that dumb.”
“Wait a minute,” I objected.
He shrugged.
“For one thing,” I said. “I don’t want to be president. For another, you just insulted me.”
He looked at me with pleading eyes like he does when he wants my sympathy over things like family slaughters.
“For another,” I added, “like I said, the last one sold, like, five copies or something.”
“That’s because you’re a shit marketer. If you posted those pics to Instagram I sent you like other normal humans, you’d be driving that Rivian you said you wanted.”
“You were wearing a jockstrap with an OnlyFans logo in those pictures, Jade.”
“Exactly.”
I sighed.
“The only problem with my scheme as I see it,” he continued, “is that you’d have to appeal to the wrong crowd. You’d probably need to start marketing to the right-wing substackers.”
“Oh, joy. But why is that? There’s plenty of normal people who like vampire stories.”
“Yeah, but they’re not the stupid kind of people we need to elevate you to frontrunner status. People who vote for celebrities and such. Remember Ronald Reagan?”
“I’ve spent 40 years failing miserably at forgetting about him. Anyway, not only am I not a celebrity, Jade, but if I became one, I’d probably move to Antarctica where nobody can find me.”
“I said ‘and such.’ You don’t need to put your face out there. I can be the face of all this.”
“Then why don’t you just run for president, instead?”
Jade grinned from ear to ear, suddenly not concerned about revealing his canines to the Golden Corral crowd.
“That’s a great idea, dude! Given this society’s propensity for self-destruction, I’d be the obvious choice!”
Some Indie promos for you
A Madam, a Tinker, and a Resurrected Cat
Prequel Tale to "The Adventures of Bodacious Creed"
"The Obstructed Engine"
by Jonathan Fesmire
Twenty Sci-Fi Writers Fix the Planet
20 sci-fi stories of how we might solve climate change
"Save the World"
by J. Scott Coatsworth
When the surveillance state fails, can a seasoned detective catch a ruthless killer?
A Sci-Fi Crime Novella
"The Event Horizon Murder"
by Greg Hickey
Zoe Calloway is about to unravel the secrets of time travel and her father's mysterious disappearance.
The Time Navigator Series (4 book series)
Kindle Edition
by Axl Blaze (Author)
Note that I have not read the books in these promos, which are provided as part of a co-op promotional program with other indie authors.
As always, thanks for reading!
This got me smiling