Announcing the Ruminato Circumcision Service — Exclusively for MAGA
Let us help you present the best side of you with one quick chop
The crack (addicted?) team of capitalists here at Ruminato knows a good opportunity when it sees one. So I’m here to present MAGA loyalists (also known as PedoPuffers, PedoSmoochers, Pedo Protectors, etc.) the opportunity of a lifetime.
You can now make that squirmy wormy thing you love to use in places you shouldn’t more attractive than ever.
Introducing the Ruminato Circumcision Service.
This opportunity is available exclusively to our MAGA friends and associates.
Just imagine! All those temptations that run counter to your Bible teachings removed with one swift chop. Now, you can continue your quest to ban library books containing sexual content (such as the Bible) without coming off as a hypocrite, all for the low price of one dollar.
That’s right—a buck. For one dollar, we’ll deploy an expert to remove your foreskin and the rest of that pesky rascal that is attached to it, freeing you forever from the many temptations liberals and this evil world send your way.
Experts like Brandy (The Butcher) Morrison (shown in the image at the top of this post brandishing her favorite circumcision tool) will combine their sweet bedside manners with a swift chopping motion that will astound you with its precision.
It’s not painless, but it is fast. And you’ll be comforted afterwards by an AI-generated hologram of Karoline Leavitt, who will assure you that your dreams of having your way with her clone were stupid, anyway.
The Ruminato Circumcision Experience
You’ll rest comfortably on your back in a room filled with a musical score designed just for you and performed by an AI-generated version of Kid Rock.
In the background, a crowd of your favorite MAGA characters in AI hologram form will watch and applaud as the procedure moves forward.
You’ll thrill to the happy faces of such MAGA stalwarts as Nick Fuentes and Candace Owens as they cheer you on.
Already circumcised? No problem. We'll do you double or even triple.
For an extra $20 fee, we’ll even live-stream your circumcision so that your fellow churchgoers can see the proof of how you have chosen the ultimate solution to temptation.
Hurry, this special introductory offer won’t last long. It times out automatically when the Pedo In Chief drops dead. After all, who the hell is going to be working for the next week after that blissful event? The partying might last forever.
What a mind you have Charles. 😂😂
And the comments are hilarious!
Oh, Charles! You had to go there!!!!!!! (blush)