It's Retribution Friday in TrumpWorld
Not even Indiana or Bari Weiss can escape his toxic fumes
Remember when Indiana state legislators gave Trump the finger and said “no” to redistricting?
If that news escaped you during one of the many onslaughts of the regime’s shock and awful blitzkrieg against America, here’s what went down. I’ll keep it simple: Trump ordered Indiana to follow Texas’s lead and redraw its congressional district.
The man-child probably assumed this instruction was as simple as turning a tariff off and on, but to his surprise, chagrin, and outrage, Indiana state legislators declined.
One medically interesting (but not uncommon) thing about the broken president’s dementia is that one part of his memory remains as firmly in place as a freakishly talented mathematician’s numerical talents: his grievance memory. His grievance memory appears to be the ballast that sustains him. Once it dies, he probably will, too.
So, even though it’s been several months, the maniac of Mar-a-Lago never forgot the Indiana insolence, and now the bills are coming due.
“Every RINO who was foolish enough to oppose redistricting will be crushed in their upcoming primaries,” says Alex Bruesewitz, a Trump/Epstein warrior who campaigned in Indiana to try to bully local legislators to redraw their maps. Whatever bribes Bruesewitz proffered weren’t enough, so he went on the warpath, saying, “They’ve betrayed not only their constituents but the entire nation.”1
Which nation he’s referring to is anybody’s guess. Russia?
So the regime has decided to unnecessarily spend large amounts of midterm campaign money in a state that is redder than Trump’s angriest neck lesion.
Hoosier Leadership for America, a Trump/Epstein campaign cash-raising organization, has managed to collect $5 million to influence the primaries in an effort to dump more Trump/Epstein-friendly legislators into the toxic bog of Indiana’s conservative state government.
They’re being joined by class operations such as Turning Point USA (TPA), now run owned by Charlie Kirk’s grieving widow.
Another Trump/Epstein warrior, Andrew Surabian, is spending $3 million to defend the Epstein kiddie diddler empire against the newest red menace: Republicans who don’t shove the soles of Trump’s shoes deep enough into their own throats.
Trump/Epstein retribution campaigns like this are popping up all over the country. Democrats can praise the Lord that Republicans consider these kinds of cash outlays more important than midterm battles they can theoretically win, although, to be fair, these may be in short supply considering that a box of Frosted Flakes will probably cost twenty bucks by the time Herr TrumpEpsTeen calls it quits on Iran.
The red tentacles of the kiddie diddler empire are reaching deeply into every nook and cranny of rural politics. Consider the plight of poor Randy Gentry, who has been quietly toiling as a Republican operative in Terre Haute, Indiana during most of his adult life.
Poor Randy was sitting on his couch watching Wrestlemania in the living room of his Terre Haute home when he answered a call from an unknown number.2 Such is the life of a political operative.
I haven’t answered an unknown number since the mid-70s. Political operatives don’t have that luxury, even if they’re a county GOP chair in a deep red Indiana county where you should be able to elect Republicans without taking or making any phone calls.
“Hello?” answered Randy, one eye glued to his 800-inch Fire TV so he wouldn’t miss one ripple from Cody Rhodes’s trembling posterior.
“Is this Randy Gentry?” came the voice on the other line (we don’t really do “lines” in phone calls anymore, but we can still refer to it this way — I checked).
“That’s me. What can I do for you?” Randy asked, sipping a beer, eager to see Cody Rhodes throw a chair.
“My name is James Blair, White House deputy chief of staff.”
“I thought Stephen Miller was White House deputy chief of staff,” responded Blair nervously.
“There’s more than one of us, dumb ass,” responded Blair.
“Oh, shit,” thought the stricken Randy, who suddenly began to see his dreams of retirement at the Silver Birch Assisted Living Community of Terre Haute fade before his eyes. “Okay,” said Randy. “What can I do for you?”
“Do you have any children, Randy?” asked Blair.
The conversation continued like that for a few minutes, so that by the time Blair ended the call with a threat of a very personal nature, Randy realized he had a small problem on his hands.
Next came a call from Matt Brasseaux, the director of the White House Office of Political Affairs.
Brasseaux asked the same question: “Do you have any children, Randy?” He then proceeded to demand that Randy promote the candidacy of someone named Brenda Wilson, Trump’s chosen candidate, who is running against Greg Goode for Goode’s Indiana state Senate seat.
Retribution.
To confuse things further, Goode is Indiana U.S. Senator Todd Young’s state director, according to his LinkedIn profile.3 Todd Young has spent most of the last ten years studying which kind of shoe polish he should keep investing in for the child predator-in-chief’s Florsheim Oxfords.
But loyalty is rewarded in TrumpWorld with one question: What have you done for me within the last five seconds?
To confuse matters even more, another Wilson is running in the Republican primary, she of the name, Alexandra Wilson.
The kiddie diddler emperor also became personally involved in the retribution campaign by luring six candidates into his lair and forcing them to endure his stench as he aired his grievances.
On March 4, Wilson, Michelle Davis, Paula Copenhaver, Jeff Ellington, Blake Fiechter and Tracey Powell were all forced into a room with the malodorous Trump. As the air became heavy and dank from his well-known body odor, known to insiders as eau de piddle pedo, he blathered on about obscure grievances and sent the hapless victims on their way.4
The message? Nobody knows, most likely including the six victims.
Referring to the state legislators who dared to refuse Trump’s redistricting directive, Brett Galaszewski, Turning Point Action’s director of the Trump/Epstein propaganda unit, said to Politico Playbook reporters hoping for a juicy quote, “Simply put, they’re about to face a wave of conservative activism that they’ve never had to see and compete with in their careers.”5
Gosh, mister, when you put it like that, I guess they should look for a less notorious crime syndicate to work for.
But all of it will come to nothing, most likely, if Mike Murphy, a long time Republican politico in Indiana is correct when he predicted that the state legislators who defied TrumpleSickSkin will retain their seats: “I will predict that none of them lose,” said he to Politico. He was referencing a guy named David McIntosh, the head of Club for Growth, who tried running for office in Indiana once before:6
“What’s David McIntosh gonna do? Come on TV and say, ‘Hey, I’m David McIntosh. Remember me? I got my ass kicked’?”
Turning Point’s Galaszewski, however, is excited. He said:
“The amount of sweat equity that’s going to be poured into these races is unprecedented. I want this to be talked about in political science textbooks for decades to come as a cautionary tale of deviating away from the conservative platform.”
Oh, my friend, your cult will be talked about for decades to come. Don’t worry about that. If this little footnote is discussed by future political mavens in political science classes at all, though, it will be a cautionary tale about spending money in stupid places during a campaign where you’re about to get rolled.
Meanwhile, will Bari Weiss get her ass kicked?
Remember Liz Cheney? She’s the hardcore conservative lady friend of anti-Trumpsters who has been one of the few Republicans to stand up to the Trump/Epstein empire.
Well, Bari Weiss, Trumplestan’s hand-picked news editor for CBS News, just booted herself in the face by (reportedly) hiring Jeremy Adler to her communications team. Adler once worked with Liz Cheney’s communications team when she was in Congress.
The kiddie diddler empire is not happy. One White House official complained to Axios thusly:7
“The idea CBS would hire Liz Cheney’s flack who has worked to jail President Trump and make it impossible for anybody who supported the president to get hired is insanity. What the hell is Bari Weiss thinking?”
Axios doesn’t name the official it quoted, but if it’s not longtime kiddie diddler propagandist Steven Cheung, I’ll eat a bushel of locusts on Substack Live.
Adler is hardly a leftist commie. He worked for Cheney when she was a mouthy rightish-wing legislator in the days before her falling out with the presidential crime family. He has also toiled for a right-wing PAC called America Rising. So it’s not like it’s great news for the state of American media that Weiss has hired him. She’s hired one of her own, even if he’s not one of Trump’s.
Still, it will be interesting to see if Weiss allows the Trump/Epstein empire to dictate her individual hires. Adler has not yet officially been hired, according to reports. His potential hire was apparently leaked by a kiddie diddler warrior from within the CBS offices. If he isn’t formally hired, we’ll know she caved to the crime syndicate.
Hegseth Retribution 1.0
Not to be outdone, U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, affectionately known to most of us as Pete KegsBreath, has banned photographers who he claims photographed him in a negative light.
One would expect this to include anyone who has held a camera, but somehow America’s least favorite drunken sailor has managed to identify a few special cases.
Per People Magazine:8
According to the report, Hegseth's staff took issue with photographs taken during a rare on-the-record briefing on March 2, two days after the U.S. and Israel killed Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the Iranian supreme leader, in a joint strike. Outlets including The Associated Press, Reuters and Getty Images sent photographers to the briefing from Hegseth and Gen. Dan Caine, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Pentagon staff then barred photographers from two subsequent briefings, on March 4 and March 10, the Post reported, citing sources familiar with the decision. Since then, only the Defense Department’s staff photographers have been permitted into the briefings.
His aides? Right. His aides are upset about how his photos look. If you believe that, I can make y’all rich on my new Ruminato Crypto Coin: $Ruminato. DM me!
If you’re not feeling rich, here’s a special offer:
Hate subscriptions? Me too! You can also make a one-time donation, which does things like help defray outrageous medical bills:
In other words, I’m going to boldly posit that KegsBreath’s “aides” are all KegsBreath himself, and he suckered some poor fools into claiming that his aides are the ones who are pouncing.
KegsBreath’s battles with the news media are nothing new. Most of what might be considered “normal” media was kicked out of the Pentagon briefing room a long time ago when the Pentagon demanded that news media agree to a Soviet-style approval process for all news stories from anyone considered “accredited” for Pentagon news conferences.
This meant child stalker Matt Gaetz is in, the Associated Press is out.
Lest you think I’m being my silly satirical self, I kid you not. Gaetz is now a credentialed Pentagon reporter on behalf of One America News, which is a propaganda network for the Trump/Epstein kiddie diddler crime syndicate.9
This, my dear, exhausted friends, is a real, not satirical graphic from the One America splash page for the show:
John Belushi would have loved playing this guy on Saturday Night Live.
RIP, brother.
Hegseth Retribution 2.0
Not to allow himself to outdo himself, KegsBreath trained his steely racist eyes next on the Washington Post, which, under the sage leadership of its owner Jeff Bezos, has apparently not been issuing a sufficient number of kneepads to its editorial staff.
The Post had the temerity to post a form on its website soliciting tips with the subversive headline, “Help us report on the Pentagon.” 10
The form was a traditional appeal for help that has been common to news sites since the earliest days of the internet.
But the KegsBreath Army, under the new rules of the Trump/Epstein rules of engagement, said, “No, that violates our news policy! Only right-wing nationalist news outlets get to play that game!” So they demanded that the Washington Post take down the form.
When Defense Secretary Kinglsey Wilson was asked why Laura Loomer, America’s most botoxed kiddie diddler protector ever, gets to have the same solicitation form on her internet “come see me” websites, he responded like you’d expect him to:11
“If Fake News reporters actually had a brain and could read our policy correctly, then maybe one day they will be as effective of a journalist as Ms. Loomer is.”
Holy shit on a stick, no wonder satire is dead.
I really need to start drinking again.
Thanks for reading!
Notes
Anyone who defends this regime is an accomplice to the Trump/Epstein child trafficking ring. For this reason, I refer to all those who protect and defend this regime as kiddie diddler (or similar) warriors. My suggestion to those who are uncomfortable with the reference is: don’t be an ostrich. Also, vote them out.
Note to fellow Substack writers: It’s still the Department of Defense. Not the Department of War. There is no such entity as the “Department of War” any more than there is a “Gulf of America.” Please do not use that reference. Changing the name of the DoD requires an act of Congress, not a graphics doodler from KegsBreath’s kiddie diddler army.
Footnotes
Wren, Adam. “Playbook.” POLITICO, March 13, 2026. https://www.politico.com/playbook.
Most of this is from POLITICO Playbook, March 13, 2026. I may have embellished the conversation with my own version of events since the details have not yet been extracted by Ruminato’s crack (addicted?) investigative team.
Soellner, Mica. “Trump Meets with Indiana State Senate Hopefuls after Map Rebuke.” @BGOV, March 4, 2026. https://news.bgov.com/bloomberg-government-news/trump-meets-with-indiana-state-senate-hopefuls-after-map-rebuke.
Politico, ibid
Politico, ibid
Isenstadt, Alex, and Sara Fischer. “White House Outraged over New CBS News Hire.” Axios, March 12, 2026. https://www.axios.com/2026/03/12/cbs-news-white-house.
Brooke Migdon, “‘Unflattering’ Pete Hegseth Photos Led Pentagon to Bar Press Photographers from Briefings, Report Claims.” People.com, 2026. https://people.com/unflattering-pete-hegseth-photos-barred-press-photographers-report-11924046.
