My Darling Harlot of Hate:
I knew when Bastille wrote that he didn’t stroke out on the eve of this most disastrous of elections that we were on the verge of a cataclysm. Alas, things are much worse than that.
Author’s note: Letters from the Front were letters sent by WW II soldiers, mostly during DDay. This is one of a series involving the MAGA civil war, also known as the Groyper Wars. I’ve listed more in the series at the end of the post.
As I stumble through the charred remains of our movement, all I can think about is how I long for the bitter taste of your lips as you push me away with that quirky, loving shove that I’ve grown accustomed to during these last ten years.
Those earliest days of our romance, the blossoming of true love that took hold when I firebombed your house to get your attention, weigh heavily on me as the curtains close on this decade of joyful malevolence. So many memories. Where does the time go?
As I write this, our forces are in disarray. Our standard bearer of hate seems confused and broken, waxing poetic as usual, but this time about reflecting pools and golden arches.
We wait in the trenches for marching orders: Who do we vilify this week? Who should receive our wrath? It’s fair to say that our options grew exponentially in one horrific night.
Instead, we hear from the Veep that the Iran war cost us an election, and instead of serving his head on a platter, our once great leader mumbles something in vague agreement.
This is not the man we so bravely fought for.
But then, just yesterday, our wondrous leader shed his skin of compromise and acceptance in a most spectacular fashion. He delivered a late Friday miracle, as he so often does, away from the headlines and the madding crowd.
I know what you must be thinking. Surely, the news that Commandant Miller is now second in command changes things. We are saved!
Oh, my demonic princess of lustful rancor. I wish. The Commandant will likely be neutered by incompetence. Especially now that his predecessor is gone. Everyone knows that she kept the trains running on time.
Did you know, my sweet cherub of discord, that the legal department can’t seem to secure an indictment against any of our enemies, no matter how many AI-generated tomes we deliver to the jaded heathens on grand juries or to corrupt judges?
James Comey: Case dismissed. Can grand juries not read beach rocks????
Letitia James: Case dismissed. Cassidy Hutchinson, who cruelly testified before the House Select Committee to investigate the heroic January 6th protest at the United States Capitol: Dismissed. Minnesota Governor Tim Walz: Dismissed. Mayor of Minneapolis Jacob Frey: Dismissed. St. Paul mayor Kaohly Her, who dared to criticize the Commandant’s incredible immigration efforts: Dismissed.
And other enemies of the state who criticized the Commandant’s efforts to cleanse this nation of dark-skinned infidels?
State Attorney General Keith Ellison: Case dismissed. Hennepin County Attorney Mary Moriarty: Dismissed. U.S. Representative Jason Crow: Dismissed. U.S. Representative Maggie Goodlander: Dismissed. U.S. Representative Chrissy Houlahan: Dismissed. U.S. Representative Rep. Chris Deluzio: Dismissed. U.S. Senator Elissa Slotkin: Dismissed. Democratic Congressional Candidate Kat Abughazaleh: Dismissed. Army Veteran Jan “Jay” Carey: Dismissed. Protester Sean Dunn: Dismissed. Congressman Adam Schiff: Dismissed.
Do you see a trend here? That our legal system is broken beyond redemption?
Other misguided critics, too, have been set free from the judicial process by treasonous judges and illiterate grand juries, my wickedly venomous siren of hate:
Former NYC Comptroller Brad Lander: Case dismissed. Former Chair of the Federal Reserve Jerome Powell: Dismissed. U.S. Senator Alex Padilla: Dismissed. SEIU California President David Huerta: Dismissed. Newark Mayor Ras Baraka: Dismissed.1
Whether through weak-kneed grand juries or judges paid off by Hunter Biden’s laptop, which we all know is full of ghost crypto, all these heroic efforts to imprison these traitors failed. And this was under the watchful eye of Susie Wiles, who acted as a chief operating officer of sorts. I don’t dare to guess how badly our legal department will fare without her organizational guidance.
We are all fighters, after all, not deep state bureaucrats. Susie was our bureaucracy whisperer. Find us some Capitol steps, and we will march on up like gladiators. But negotiating the fetid halls of American jurisprudence and law requires a deft hand, my sweet cherub of strife.
Not that I begrudge the great leader’s choice to place Commandant Miller second in command. No, not at all. But it would have been nice to retain Susie in some capacity, because she knows where the bodies are buried. I suppose, however, that we can be sure of her silence, because Great Leader also knows where her bodies are buried. What a wonderful carousel we all live on, no?
The carousel of life, where we all cheat the corrupt system to such an extent that we cannot possibly betray our secrets to the enemy, lest our own secrets leech into the wrong hands.
Am I insufficiently thrilled about the promotion of our Gestapo leader?
Perhaps I am.
But understand that as I toured Texas in my 1993 Ford Bronco in the aftermath of the election, a great depression settled into my soul.
Surely, I thought, it was only the hedonistic James Talarico defeating the sloppy Paxton that I needed to worry about. Surely the rest of the state was safe.
But then I discovered that 700,000 more voters chose Gina Hinojosa over Greg Abbott to be Texas Governor. How is this possible in a Christian nation such as Texas? I told you long ago that secession was the surest path to final victory, but, as you know, nobody listened to me.
We became so complacent that the tech wizard Elon Musk moved his entire operation to Texas for the obvious benefit of being allowed to do whatever he wanted. What’s good for Elon, my darling dish of despondence, is good for America, I say. So if he wants to abandon the technical marvel that is the Cybertruck, I say, more power to him!
Would I have preferred a fleet of a million Cybertrucks at the ready to slice and dice leftist communist crowds protesting the Commandant’s cleansing policies? Of course. But I trust Elon. I’m sure he’s got something better up his sleeve. Wherever the chainsaw points, I guess.
But now that the Texas House of Representatives has turned communist, along with just about every statewide office in Texas, I must ask: Whither Elon?
The possibility that I’ll no longer witness the aluminum tubes of his grand machines dropping into Texas coastal waters on the regular is enough to make a grown man cry. The communists will demand we protect a few long-necked sea birds, and humanity will suffer the consequences.
You might mock me for saying so, but I wouldn’t be shocked if the communist Hinojosa cancelled all future elections in Texas and installed Greta Thunberg as Railroad Commissioner.
Even worse, what might happen to the grand experiment in social media, wherein Elon built a machine of truth that seemed, until last Tuesday, destined to forever protect the white race from imminent destruction?
Surely, Elon will continue to throw dozens of thunderbolts of his enlightened thoughts into cyberspace, but I sense a looming withdrawal within his target market, as the marketing gadflies like to call it. The young men we previously relied on seem demoralized, their faith in our cause shaken.
This is especially true now that Andrew Tate is being forced to return to sissy London to face the Grand Inquisition of Woke. You can be sure that the transgenders who now rule England will throw him into the Tower of London and live stream the whole affair to try to make a point.
The frightened young men in our once strong nation seem unable to synchronize the need for world stability and a display of American power in the Persian Gulf, which should probably be renamed the American Gulf, with the necessity of paying just a wee bit more for their trips to Lollapalooza or the next Comic-Con.
It’s a small price to pay. But they seem unwilling to pay it. I’m afraid our Founding Fathers were right all along: Only the ruling class should be allowed to vote.
Sacrifice has become a dirty word, unlike “Patriotism,” which is now properly wrapped in the flag of the great white European nation, even as our numbers dwindle and we become threatened with extinction.
And what of the Groyper Wars? I don’t think anyone knows which side they’re fighting for anymore. I know I don’t. One would think we’d all unite under one banner in the face of this defeat at the hands of the infidels, but we all hate each other, so that seems unlikely.
On another note, this will be my 1001st letter to you since your last reply. I understand how busy you are on your own front in this difficult war, so I will soldier on in the hope that you will reach out to me after this letter. If not, I will visit you as soon as the current restraining order expires.
In the meantime, stay safe, my lovely strumpet of Patriotism, and keep the faith as long as you can.
Notes
Other Groyper War letters from the front:
A Valentine's Day Letter from the Front Lines
Background: Infighting within MAGA is consuming the world’s only known multibillion-dollar child sex trafficking cult, which features a crime boss posing as a president protected by his screaming banshee, Pam Bondi, who uses her position to hide the crimes of a dude who makes Caligula look like Cindy Lou Who from Whoville in comparison.
Groyper War III: Behind The Lines
Background: You may have heard that Charlie Kirk’s alleged assassin is none other than, possibly, nay, probably, a groyper. If you don’t know what that means, I recommend catching up with Allison Gill here (Trigger warning: You’ll be entering the strange world of extreme online gamers and incels.)
Milo Has Been Captured by the Enemy
Background (Updated from previous Letters from the Front): Infighting within MAGA is consuming the world’s only known multibillion-dollar child sex trafficking cult, which features a crime boss posing as a president, protected by his personal lawyer Todd Blanche, the CEO of the Department of Trump Criminality (DTC), once known as the Department of Justice (DOJ). All of this makes the ancient Roman emperor Caligula look like Dolly Parton in comparison.
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Footnotes
Allen, Joe. “Tracking Retaliatory Use of Arrests, Prosecutions, and Investigations by the Trump Administration.” Protect Democracy, November 3, 2026. https://protectdemocracy.org/work/retaliatory-action-tracker/.