Ten Things Biden Can Do Before Inauguration Day Now That He Has Immunity

The Supreme Court opened a Pandora’s Box — Biden should dump out the contents and make the bad guys squirm

Doomsday, celebrated by the subservient mainstream press as Inauguration Day, arrives with a depressing and felonious thud on January 20, the year of our Lord, 2025.

Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

When the thick-headed serial sexual assaulter with the orange carpet on his head comes roaring in, he’ll be able to do anything he wants with no regard for the law.

In case you’ve forgotten, that’s because the compromised Supreme Court, which is owned by the Federalist Society (long story, if you’re not familiar with it¹) granted him full immunity to do whatever he wants as long as he does it as part of his presidential duties.

That doesn’t leave out much.

The wording of the Supreme Court suggests there is no real limit to what a mischievous nefarious president can do under the auspices of his official duties.

If you don’t believe me, I don’t blame you. I’m not a legal beagle. But guess who is? Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who asked us in her dissent on the Supreme Court’s original opinion to imagine the following scenario:²

“Orders the Navy’s Seal Team 6 to assassinate a political rival? Immune. Organizes a military coup to hold onto power? Immune. Takes a bribe in exchange for a pardon? Immune. Immune, immune, immune. Even if these nightmare scenarios never play out, and I pray they never do, the damage has been done. The relationship between the president and the people he serves has shifted irrevocably.”

The imagination runs wild. This is a guy who sees the tragedy of the Los Angeles fires as an opportunity to attack the world’s fifth largest economy and the nation’s economic engine like it’s an enemy of the United States rather than as an opportunity to show compassion toward the most important state in the union.

The list of terrible things he can do with this kind of protection from his corrupt pals in the Supreme Court boggles the mind.

Well, guess what? Joe Biden has that immunity, too.

I have some ideas. If you have some, too, comments are open to everyone, as always.

I’m not a listicle fan. In fact, normally, I hate them. But to hell with it. We live in difficult times. Some of us are counting down the hours like the end days are upon us.

So let’s look at a few things Biden can do without thinking about whether they’re legal, since it no longer matters:

1. Deport Steve Bannon to Gitmo. And give him a cellmate (this may not be fair to the cellmate, given Bannon’s hygiene).

2. Shut down Truth Social True Sociopath. Call it the terrorist propaganda mouthpiece that it is, and just shut that shit down.

3. Fox News. Ditto. Twitter X. Ditto. Fuck it, Facebook, too. While he’s at it, issue an executive order forcing a cage match between Zuckerburg and Andrew Tate. In a real cage. Naked as jaybirds.

4. Send U.S. Marshals wearing Mickey Mouse costumes to arrest Florida Governor Ron DeSantis as a belated pride month 🏳️‍🌈 gift or something. “Arrest him for what?” the justice-minded reader asks. You’re all so sweet. Who cares? Maybe for just being DeSantis. Immunity has so much potential.

5. Use the IRS to confiscate all of the Orange Puffaroon’s assets, including Mar-a-Lago. Just snatch ‘em. Immunity, immunity, immunity.

6. Citing the election, declare a national emergency, dissolve Congress, and declare himself president for life. Then order every American to start reading books again. Reinstate Congress after a majority of Americans pass basic third grade equivalency tests.

7. Deport Elon Musk to Soweto wearing a “JAIL MANDELA” t-shirt.

8. Order daily public floggings of Alex Jones.

9. Order the confiscation of all weapons of mass destruction, such as AR-15s.

10. Declare the entire state of Texas an EPA superfund site and remove all its toxic compounds, beginning with its governor, Greg Abbott, disposing them in customized SpaceX craft targeted to the sun.

Photo of Greg Abbott shithead courtesy of Office of the Texas Governor, Greg Abbott, public domain

This is the soft list.

The next president will be able to do worse things.

I don’t want Biden to match the predator-elect’s level of darkness. Mostly because that’s an impossible ask.

But I do want him to play the game a little bit, Dark Brandon style. If you do, too, add a comment, and restack this so we can get some great ideas and send them to our departing Commando in Chief.

Base image public domain; image updated by author

Thanks for reading!

1. Really, you should read the following article if you haven’t. It helps explain why we may be facing a decades-long dark age even if the predator-elect does a permanent face plant into his pile of french fries.

2. This reference to Sotomayor’s original dissent is actually a dissent to the dissent, written by a member of armed forces who makes a valid point that:

Each service member swears an oath to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” Further, enlistees vow to “obey the orders of the president of the United States” and other officers “according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.”

That’s a fair argument, but it’s no guarantee. Trump has shown there are no guarantees about anything, and that formerly reasoned people are capable of bending the knee to him in surprising ways.

Robbins, Elizabeth. 2024. “Justice Sotomayor Dangerously Misunderstands Our Military.” The Hill. July 9, 2024. https://thehill.com/opinion/4760751-justice-sotomayor-executive-power/.