The New York Times Sanewashed a So-Called Iran War Peace Deal Yet Again
I needed to understand how the New York Times comes to these decisions, so I imagined listening in on an editorial meeting
This is how I imagine a discussion between a New York Times editor and reporter on how to cover the latest insider trading announcement faux ceasefire in the Hormuz Insider Trader War, aka, The First PolyMarket War.
The New York Times sanewashed the latest Trump media manipulation as a peace deal. In trying to understand the process, I imagined the following conversation.
Editor: I see you’re calling this the Hormuz Insider Trader War again.
Reporter: That’s what it is.
Editor (shares laptop screen): Not in my newsroom. We’re gonna go over this news story line by line. I’ve marked up the changes I want.
Reporter: You suck.
Editor: Part of the sanewashing process. Boss’s orders. Let’s get this over with.
Your version of the headline:
Trump delivers market pricing guidance with a fictional Iran peace deal for the 40th time.
Edited version:
U.S. and Iran Reach Framework for Peace.
Reporter: But he has, by my count, declared a peace deal 39 times before this one. It’s all an insider trading scam. A grift. Another big money grab by…
Editor: Doesn’t matter.
Your version of the first paragraph:
The subterfuge seemed to be working with hapless Middle East diplomats, who all fell for the Trump regime’s claim that this 40th effort was legitimate. The Strait of Hormuz, which had been open for years before Trump attacked Iran, was to be reopened. But the nuclear issues at the heart of the conflict were punted yet again.
Edited version:
The deal was expected to open the Strait of Hormuz and lift the U.S. naval blockade on Iranian ports. But it would leave the thorniest nuclear issues for another day.
Reporter: 40th time he’s made a peace deal announcement. And also? Hormuz was never even a thing until Trump made it one.
Editor: Doesn’t matter.
Your version of the next paragraphs:
Iran has said it has agreed to reopen the Strait of Hormuz and accept a ceasefire in the Hormuz Insider Trader War. Trump has been looking for a way out ever since the initial onslaught, which killed the family of new Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei, along with as many as 200 young girls in a school bombing, leading Trump to claim victory.
The attacks have also claimed thousands of additional lives and sent the world economy into a tailspin as the Strait of Hormuz has effectively been shut down since the first bombs dropped.
In an effort to soften the blow to the economy, the Trump administration has nearly emptied U.S. oil reserves to artificially flood the market to keep oil prices from rising even further.
Edited version of the second paragraph:
The United States and Iran reached an agreement on Sunday that paved the way for further talks to ultimately end a monthslong war that has killed thousands and rattled the global economy.
Reporter: Nothing about draining the U.S. oil reserves? Nothing about the school?
Editor: Doesn’t matter. Let’s move on. And for the love of God, how many times have I told you we put “Mr.” in front of his name?
Your version of the next paragraph:
Before Trump attacked Iran, an average of 108 ships traversed the Strait of Hormuz every day. After the assault, which international legal experts agree most likely violated international law, the average dropped below six ships per day. On many days, zero container ships have passed through the Strait.
Many experts have said that historians are likely to rename the so-called Iran War to “the Strait of Hormuz War,” as the chief result has been an Iranian strategic victory by establishing military control over the Strait.
Kill the graphic, this isn’t storybook hour.
Edited version of the third paragraph:
Mr. Trump said that the deal would reopen the Strait of Hormuz, an economically vital waterway, and that he had authorized “the immediate removal of the United States Naval blockade” on Iranian ports.
Reporter: Unbelievable.
Editor:
Your version of the next paragraph:
Shortly before Trump sat down to watch a testosterone-charged cage match of scantily clad oiled-up men fighting each other and smearing Michelle Obama with epithets, Trump went to Truth Social and wrote another set of unhinged posts, writing:
“The Deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran is now complete. Congratulations to all! I hereby fully authorize the toll free opening of the Strait of Hormuz, and, simultaneously herewith, authorize the immediate removal of the United States Naval blockade. Ships of the World, start your engines. Let the oil flow!
“This Great Deal will bring Peace and Security to the whole Region. Many presidents have tried to make Peace with Iran, and all have failed before me. The Leaders of the Region have, for the first time, found a President who can help them achieve real Peace. With the opening of the Strait upon the signing of the Deal on Friday, for purposes of mine removal, oil will flow on both ends again for the Region, and the World!”
The New York Times has submitted the statement to a clinical psychiatrist for evaluation.
Edited version of the fourth paragraph:
“Ships of the World, start your engines,” he wrote. “Let the oil flow!”
Reporter: This makes him sound like a hero.
Editor: Exactly.
Your version of the next paragraph:
The so-called negotiations were handled on the U.S. side by real estate tycoon and multibillionaire Steve Witkoff, and Trump’s son and law and grift specialist Jarod Kushner.
No passive voice! Edited version of the fifth paragraph:
United States Special Envoys to the Middle East Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner negotiated the settlement with Iran.
Writer: There IS NO SETTLEMENT!
Editor: Doesn’t matter.
Your version of the next paragraph:
Israel did not participate in the grifting process or the so-called peace talks, and will likely continue its genocide against Beirut’s southern suburbs. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said today that “the struggle has not ended” and that he would keep Israeli forces in Lebanon “as long as necessary.” Israeli National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir posted on social media that “Trump’s agreement does not bind us,” and took a dig at Trump with, “Israel is not subject to the United States, and we are an independent and sovereign country.”
Edited version of the fifth paragraph:
Let’s leave Israel out of this. We’ll lose conservative Zionist subscribers if we so much as mention the name of the place.
Reporter: So it doesn’t matter that Netanyahu will continue to indiscriminately bomb Lebanese civilians and kill the so-called ceasefire within the week?
Editor: Nope.
Your version of the next paragraph:
Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Aragchi said today that the deal would require Israel to withdraw from Lebanon. “The end of the war in Lebanon is an inseparable part of the complete end of the war,” Araghchi said. “Without the withdrawal of Israeli forces from the territories they occupied during this war, the war has not fully come to an end.”
Edited version of the fifth paragraph:
Ditto. Just leave Lebanon out of this. Too explosive for some of our more sensitive conservative readers. Especially the rabid genocidal war mongers in upper state New York.
Your version of the next paragraph:
Japan-based Mitsui O.S.K. Lines said that its operations in the Strait of Hormuz would not resume “until safety has been sufficiently confirmed.” Yesterday, the U.K. Maritime Trade Operations announced that the U.S. blockade of Iranian ports remained in effect, despite Trump’s claims, and advised ships to remain in ports, “until direction is given.”
Edited version of the fifth paragraph:
Delete, delete, delete. This is too much minutia. Nobody knows who Mitsui O.S.K. Lines is. Nobody cares who Mitsui O.S.K. Lines is. Delete, delete, delete. As for the U.K. Maritime Trade Operations, who are they? What do they do? Why does what they say matter? Are you going to explain all that in this farticle? I didn’t think so. Delete.
Your version of the next paragraph:
Meanwhile, Israeli strikes and gunfire yesterday killed at least four Palestinians in Gaza, health officials said, a reminder that the Gaza conflict is far from over.
Edited version of the fifth paragraph:
Deleted. Different war. Focus, please!
Also? Doesn’t matter.
Your choice for the story image
The editorial staff fails to see the relevance of showing the alleged bombing of the girls’ school in this report.
![A view of the debris of a school, where many students and teachers lost their lives on the first day of the wave of attacks launched by the United States and Israel against Iran, in Hormozgan, Iran on March 05, 2026. [Stringer - Anadolu Agency]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!roCI!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe44b74df-9f10-407b-bc3f-f3854e160665_920x613.jpeg "A view of the debris of a school, where many students and teachers lost their lives on the first day of the wave of attacks launched by the United States and Israel against Iran, in Hormozgan, Iran on March 05, 2026. [Stringer - Anadolu Agency]")
Editor’s choice for the story’s image:
Let’s soften the tone a bit, eh? It’s a story about peace and brotherhood. Show that photo of the Tehran intersection we always show in stories about the Iran War.
Reporter: I quit. I’m starting a Substack.
Editor: Thank God for Claude.
Notes
I read somewhere that Trump has announced a peace deal on his personal Twitter, Truth Social, 39 times before this latest one. I haven’t verified that number, but we all know he’s done it a lot, most likely as part of his market trading grift.
The image that the New York Times usually shows on stories about the Hormuz Insider Trader War is the same each time, with different people walking the intersection, in an attempt to make even the theocratic hellhole that is Iran look normal.
You can find the finished, sanewashed New York Times piece here:
Ruminato Gift Link: https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/06/14/world/iran-war-trump-us
Note that the text often changes because this type of story is frequently updated.
Thanks for reading!
