The Trickster Laughs at Us While His Sycophants Roll in Mounds of New Cash [UPDATED]
The TACO Presidency is the Trump crime family's alarming new way to haul in cash
If we were all in a dystopian movie (we might be!), at about 3 pm yesterday, the director would have cut to children swinging in slow motion on a swing set while ominous music played. Armageddon looms.
Cut to 8:16 pm, when Pakistan’s Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif announces a ceasefire in Iran and Lebanon.1 The film’s director cuts to five old white guys sitting at a table, cracking jokes about how stupid everyone is. Sharif, who nominated Trumpus Predatus for a Nobel Peace Prize, twice, is on a video screen grinning ear to ear.2
Here’s how the whole thing sort of played out, depending on which news source you read. Let’s look at it from the perspective of a stock or commodities trader:
8:28 AM ET: President Trump issues his warning on social media, stating “a whole civilization will die tonight” if Iran doesn’t reopen the Strait of Hormuz by 8:00 PM.
9:00 AM ET: Markets react to the mad clown’s crazy “civilization” post: Brent crude jumps overnight to nearly $110/barrel after being as low as $107. Yippeee!
12:17 PM ET: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu confirms military strikes on Iranian bridges and railroads. See? The semi-human in the Oval Office means business! Up go oil futures!
3:28 PM ET: Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif publicly requests that Trump extend the deadline by two weeks to allow for “steady” diplomatic progress. Nobody takes that seriously, so…
4:07 PM ET: U.S. financial markets close largely flat after earlier steep losses.
6:30ish PM ET: Calls are made. And then, Diarrhea Don posts on Truth Social that he has agreed to a two-week suspension of bombing and attacks, contingent on the “COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING” of the Strait of Hormuz. You know, like it was before he bombed the crap out of a bunch of kids in an Iranian schoolhouse. Signal accounts throughout the West Wing light up like a Sydney fireworks show.
7:23 PM ET: Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi confirms Iran will cease “defensive operations” if attacks on the country stop. A few smartphones in the West Wing start smoking from the action.
8:16 PM ET: Prime Minister Sharif announces the ceasefire is effective “IMMEDIATELY” and includes Lebanon. (“Wait just a gawl darn second,” screams an alarmed Benji Netanyahoo. “I haven’t finished killing Lebanese kids!!!!!”) ((He announces later that Lebanon genocide will continue))
12:01 am April 8 (that’s today, I think): TrumpleSleazeSkin wipes the drool off his lips long enough to post this on his personal nutfarm social media service, True Sociopath:3
A big day for World Peace! Iran wants it to happen, they’ve had enough! Likewise, so has everyone else! The United States of America will be helping with the traffic buildup in the Strait of Hormuz. There will be lots of positive action! Big money will be made. Iran can start the reconstruction process. We’ll be loading up with supplies of all kinds, and just “hangin’ around” in order to make sure that everything goes well.
Whoa there, big orange slimy fella, stop right there. No. Everything you touch turns to shit. Stay far away. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
I feel confident that it will. Just like we are experiencing in the U.S., this could be the Golden Age of the Middle East!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP
A special thanks to the lunatic’s peacekeeping buddy, Sharif, for helping us enjoy some Middle Eastern-flavored TACOs and moving from “A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again” to “The Golden Age of the Middle East” in just a few hours. Zounds! Break out the cardamom!
After yukking it up with some Iranian pals, Pakistan Prime Minister Sharif broke out a “Ten Point Plan” that looks like it came right off an Ayatollah’s laptop.
The Ten Point Plan
Here is the Ten Point Plan that Trumpseth (he and Hegseth seem to have congealed into one entity) has agreed to as something it can work with:4
1. The US must fundamentally commit to guaranteeing non-aggression.
2. Continuation of Iran’s control over the Strait of Hormuz.
3. Acceptance that Iran can enrich uranium for its nuclear program
4. Removal of all primary sanctions on Iran.
5. Removal of all secondary sanctions against foreign entities that do business with Iranian institutions).
6. End of all United Security Council resolutions targeting Iran.
7. End of all International Atomic Energy Agency resolutions on Iran’s nuclear program.
8. Compensation payment to Iran for war damage.
9. Withdrawal of US combat forces from the region.
10. Cease-fire on all fronts, including Israel’s conflict with Hezbollah in Lebanon.
I’d laugh if this were funny.
But Trump family insiders? They’re laughing their asses off. At us.
Stock and commodities traders worldwide who have Signal contacts with the most corrupt regime since that time Attila the Hun set up a chain of laundromats are celebrating in the streets and pimping favors on their yachts in Monaco.
Let’s take a look, shall we?
Stock market adjustments during the most recent TACO event
First came an immediate and dramatic reversal in global markets as the “war premium” on energy prices plummeted.
Oil Prices
Brent Crude (that’s the yummy stuff from the Middle East, much cleaner than Texas and other North American crude): Plunged roughly 14%, dropping to approximately $94.74/barrel. (yippee!)
But have no fear, American oil futures traders, you get to have fun, too!
WTI (U.S. Crude): Down nearly 16% to around $95/barrel. (I hear cowboys laughing all the way to the bank as they buy barrelfuls of the stuff and get their wallets ready for the next ghastly Trumpian threat).
One hour after the announcement, oil prices crashed 16% in just 60 minutes.
The crack investigative team at Ruminato has heard that the scramble for oil futures contracts was so intense that several thousand commodity traders had heart attacks. This is probably a necessary culling.
Stock Market Futures
Dow Jones: Futures surged by over 1,300 points (approx. 2.8%).
Orgasms occurred.
S&P 500: Futures rose 2.7% to 2.9%, reaching approximately 6,824.00.
Ditto.
Nasdaq 100: A very unsurprising 3.5% gain in overnight trading.
Trickster Grift
The next time this maniac tries to scare the pants off you, remember that he’s in it for the cash. Everything is always about the cash. $
He doesn’t want to see all this new family grift money burn up in a nuclear fireball any more than you want to see kids sizzling on a swing set.
The fact that he’s crazier now than a bull stuck in the same pen for thirty years doesn’t change his one true focus: GRIFT.
It’s all about the grift. Grift triggers the one part of his brain that still sort of works. He’s still capable of making phone calls, giving people inside information, and playing the market. You don’t need to be smart or even sane to make a lot of money if you know the right people.
In ten days, a new grift tactic will emerge. Or, more likely, several. The stock and commodities markets will fluctuate like the on/off switch in the mad clown’s TACO brain. More people will be outraged. More people will probably die. More people will get incredibly rich.
The Trump regime is all about knowing the right people. It’s why the Epstein escapade keeps getting buried further into the dirt. There’s just too damn much money to be made for these disgusting, horrible money hoarders to care about what happened to those poor kids in the past, or what might happen to you and your family in the future.
And they sure as shit don’t care what happens to the Iranian people, who are suffering the most from all this.
Thanks for reading!
Update
As expected, the “peace plan” has already fallen apart. His dementia and madness got in the way. As reported by Meidas at noonish today:
Israel has launched over 100 airstrikes on Lebanon in ten minutes, hitting Beirut, South Lebanon, and the Bekaa Valley simultaneously — at least 300 killed from what we are hearing now, hundreds more wounded
Iran has shut down the Strait of Hormuz again in response to the Israeli strikes
An oil refinery on Iran’s Lavan Island was attacked; Iran retaliated by striking Saudi Arabia’s East-West oil pipeline and hitting Kuwait’s water desalination and power plants
Pakistan’s Prime Minister, the ceasefire mediator, says Lebanon was absolutely included in the deal; Trump now says it wasn’t
Trump is claiming a joint U.S.-Iran venture to charge tolls on Strait of Hormuz shipping. He seems to be the only person to know about this
More money shall flow, along with more blood.
Footnotes
Timesofisrael.com. “Pakistani PM: US-Iran Truce ‘Effective Immediately,’ Also Covers Lebanon ‘and Elsewhere,’” 2026. https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/pakistani-pm-us-iran-truce-effective-immediately-also-covers-lebanon-and-elsewhere/.
Fortinsky, Sarah. “Pakistani Prime Minister to Nominate Trump for Nobel Peace Prize — Again.” The Hill, October 13, 2025. https://thehill.com/policy/international/5553500-pakistani-pm-trump-nobel-peace-prize-gaza-egypt/.
⚠️ DANGER ZONE ⚠️: https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116367088879643074
Since the start of the war, Iran has sporadically charged $2 million per ship for passage through the Strait of Hormuz. No charge for friendlies, but the full amount a tanker bound for the U.S. This has to have a financial impact that will be ongoing, since why stop once you start.
You might be giving the rotting pumpkin in his head too much credit. I don’t think DJT is still capable of thinking and planning for financial gain at that level; for what passes for his brain just can’t do it. It’s only possible if Don Jr. or one or two oligarchs whisper something into his ear all with the right timing. After reading Iran’s Ten Points a few time, I’m wondering besides a win for Iran, which of those points are also a win for Iran’s war industry buddy and DJT’s string master Putin. Russia is pulling in a lot of $$$$ off the oil spike surge, plus the potential of reduced or temporarily waved sanctions.