This Is What a Ruminato Help Wanted Ad Would Look like If There Was One
We live in a world where a demented U.S. President needs a professional translator to basic English
No. Ruminato is not hiring. Ruminato is me. I have no money. But if I did, this would be our first job opening:
Presidential Blather Parsing Engineer
Ruminato is looking for a reliable Presidential Blather Parsing Engineer. The annual salary is $30 billion per year in $Trump coins, which is the U.S. Treasury equivalent of you owing us money.
Job Requirements
You must be able to:
Parse social media posts by Donald Trump and translate them into basic English.
Determine when his social media posts are written by one of his henchmen/women.
To apply for this position, you must demonstrate your skills by taking two online tests (in this post) and replying with your answers in the comments:
Test Number One
Did Trump write this post, or did a henchman/woman? If not Trump, why do you believe so? If you believe someone else wrote it, name that individual in your answer. (Hint: Marco Rubio is an acceptable answer, but most likely incorrect.)
Text to parse:
I have ordered two Nuclear Submarines to be positioned in the appropriate regions, just in case these foolish and inflammatory statements are more than just that. Words are very important, and can often lead to unintended consequences, I hope this will not be one of those instances.
Test Number Two
Please parse and translate this social media text written by Trump into basic English:
I was just informed that our Country’s “Jobs Numbers” are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr. Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s chances of Victory. This is the same Bureau of Labor Statistics that overstated the Jobs Growth in March 2024 by approximately 818,000 and, then again, right before the 2024 Presidential Election, in August and September, by 112,000. These were Records — No one can be that wrong? We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified. Important numbers like this must be fair and accurate, they can’t be manipulated for political purposes. McEntarfer said there were only 73,000 Jobs added (a shock!) but, more importantly, that a major mistake was made by them, 258,000 Jobs downward, in the prior two months. Similar things happened in the first part of the year, always to the negative. The Economy is BOOMING under “TRUMP” despite a Fed that also plays games, this time with Interest Rates, where they lowered them twice, and substantially, just before the Presidential Election, I assume in the hopes of getting “Kamala” elected – How did that work out? Jerome “Too Late” Powell should also be put “out to pasture.” Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Note that these are very simple tests. Most Truth Social posts are considerably more difficult to understand than the samples used for these tests.
Successful applicants will be asked to translate several more posts from a third-grade literacy level to adult language without the use of AI.
A basic understanding of abnormal psychological disorders and the American Pschiatric Association’s DSM-5 manual is preferred.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
I wouldn't touch that toxic nonsense. It may be contagious.
Nobody wants to turn into a gibbering buffoon like that guy.
I know, I know 👋👋👋🙋♀️ They were BOTH written by ghosthenchpeople, at least in part. The second one was "beautifully enhanced" by the orange one. Amirite??