To Russia with Love

That time the mad clown stole a few minutes alone with Putin in the Presidential Limo

Original map by TUBS, CC BY-SA 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons; labeling by author; Special note for any maga readers who might be reading: The area with all the pretty little lines is the United States. North of that is the proposed 51st state, unless your hero offers that to Russia, too.

One of the grand moments of the alleged summit between the mad clown and Putin was this, as reported by America’s sanewashing experts, the New York Times (bold is mine):

The two leaders were set to be picked up separately after they descended from their planes. Mr. Putin’s own presidential limousine was ready on the tarmac. But after they greeted each other, Mr. Trump gestured for Mr. Putin to walk with him toward the American presidential vehicle.

They slipped into the back of the limousine, called the Beast,¹ and rode together to the nearby military facility where the talks would take place. As the car drove away, news cameras captured Mr. Putin flashing a wide smile and waving his hand.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, I bet Putin was smiling. He had just given vital instructions to his American proxy in the Oval Office, which were surely well received with a puffy orange nod.

Did the New York Times report on that sneaky maneuver during their Live Update of events? Was it a headline?² No, they didn’t, and no, it was not. I haven’t seen it mentioned in other mainstream media, either, although in fairness, I barely read any of it these days.

The New York Times has been so defensive lately about its reporting that it even recently issued a “fact checker” of sorts, replying to various complaints about the newspaper’s coverage of Trump.³ But this kind of stuff is what agitates those of us who wake up every morning wondering, “What’s next?”

I suppose the editors felt like it was a bold proclamation to declare after the talks that there was no deal:⁴

Screenshot of NY Times’ Live Update feed of the meeting

“Trump will go home without a deal” became the late evening’s headline. The New York Times patted its collective self on the back and went to bed for the evening.

The problem is that in the aftermath of the meetings, they didn’t come close to issuing headlines that reflected reality. See the red annotation I made, along with the arrow pointing to what Trump said?

When reading the Times’ version of things, readers will think that the United States had been represented by a perfectly normal statesman. It was not. The mad clown blathered his usual word salad of nonsense, although by his standards, some of it was reasonably cogent for a man in the final stages of dementia (see Notes for the full transcript).

Every mainstream report regarding a speech from this clown should be preceded by a trigger warning and a comment that he’s loonier than a zoo animal.

Regardless of his remarks after the meeting, Epstein’s best friend for life sat in a limo long enough for me to think that those moments in the limo were a national security threat, just like his presidency is. Then, Putin beamed a happy smile for photographers.

Getting Putin to a smile takes a special kind of relationship, one that probably involves water sports and incriminating video.⁵

Reading tip: For full context when reading my stuff, it’s always useful to read the footnotes. I usually include a fun nugget or two. It’s a little like watching that special scene in a movie after the credits.

Trying to guess what was said in that limo is a fool’s game, but I’m foolish enough to try:

Putin: “You’ll deliver Alaska to me after you help give me Ukraine, right?”

Mad Clown: “In two weeks. It will be a beautiful handoff. The greatest land deal since the Indians sold Louisiana to the French, who, you know, then gave it to us when they sent over that fabulous statue. And what an amazing thing. How did they get that big, beautiful statue over the ocean in those wood ships? With sharks circling all around. Such courageous people, the French. What an incredible…”

Putin: Shut the fuck up. Let’s go to our pretend summit now. (waves and smiles at reporters)

This morning, the mainstream media, enlightened as ever, is reporting that the mad clown has decided, after briefly fantasizing about pushing Putin around, to return to his former position as Putin’s sex slave or whatever bizarre pickle he’s gotten himself into with Russia’s leader.

Recall that a few weeks ago, according to the media, the clown car of pedomania was heading straight towards confrontation with his old friend. Putin’s pampered menial⁶ issued all kinds of silly ultimatums on Ukraine’s behalf, which nobody took seriously, especially Putin.

But the manic president hit his True Sociopath social media site in the wee hours this morning to say:

“A great and very successful day in Alaska! It was determined by all that the best way to end the horrific war between Russia and Ukraine is to go directly to a Peace Agreement, which would end the war, and not a mere Ceasefire Agreement, which often times do not hold up.”

He’s right. Take the Civil War, for example, which never resulted in a formal peace treaty, only a temporary cease-fire, a mistake that has brought us to this moment in time. But I digress (as I’m wont to do).

An unconditional ceasefire has always been part of the plan among normal people (in other words, the Europeans and the Canadians). Even Donny Demento joined in the chorus until Vlad slapped his face in Alaska.

Now, we’re back to where we usually are: A state of frantic speculation over a crazy man’s next move.

And the hellscape created by Russia’s invasion of Ukraine continues.

Notes

The full transcript of the mad clown’s remarks (with my annotations in italics):⁷

TRUMP (after listening to Putin say nothing of interest): Thank you very much, Mr. President, that was very profound, and I will say that I believe we had a very productive meeting. There were many, many points that we agreed on (yeah, dumbass, like, suddenly, no ceasefire until Ukraine capitulates), most of them, I would say, a couple of big ones that we haven't quite gotten there, but we've made some headway.

I assume by big ones that he’s referring to Vlad agreeing to hold off on leaking Epstein info to the Washington Post a little longer.

So there's no deal until there's a deal.

I will call up NATO in a little while, (I’m sure they eagerly look forward to that) I will call up the various people that I think are appropriate (Laura Loomer?), and I'll of course, call up President Zelenskyy and tell him about today's meeting (Give him fair warning so he can pop a few Xanax). It's ultimately up to them.

They're going to have to agree with what Marco and Steve (Agree with Marco? On what? How important it is to bend at the knee for you?) and some of the great people from the Trump administration who've come here, Scott and John Ratcliffe (they’re brothers?). Thank you very much. But we have some of our really great leaders. They've been doing a phenomenal job. (Checks latest protests across the country)

We also have some tremendous Russian business representatives (oligarchs) here. And I think, you know, everybody wants to deal with us. (Oh, yes, just lining up to have a little chit chat with a certifiable lunatic). We've become the hottest country anywhere in the world in a very short period of time (and we have the wildfires to prove it), and we look forward to that. (Wait, look forward to what? More wildfires so that you can find new ways to taunt American citizens?) We look forward to dealing- we're going to try and get this over with. (Get it over with? Holy shit.)

We really made some great progress today (if backwards progress is progress, I concur). I've always had a fantastic relationship with President Putin, with Vladimir (You should have heard his emphasis on “Vladimir.” It sounded almost phallic⁸). We had many, many tough meetings, good meetings. (So many meetings, but the best was that limo chat.)

We were interfered with by the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax. (Wait. What?????⁹) It made it a little bit tougher to deal with, but he understood it. I think he's probably seen things like that during the course of his career. He's seen- he's seen it all. (Come on, Donny Demento. Stay focused. You can do it!)

But we had to put up with the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax. (So much for staying focused) He knew it was a hoax, and I knew it was a hoax, but what was done was very criminal, but it made it harder for us to deal as a country, in terms of the business, and all of the things that would like to have dealt with, but we'll have a good chance when this is over. (When what is over? This ungodly regime of yours?)

So just to put it very quickly, (please make it so) I'm going to start making a few phone calls and tell them what happened. But we had an extremely productive meeting, and many points were agreed to. There are just a very few that are left. Some are not that significant. One is probably the most significant, but we have a very good chance of getting there. We didn't get there, but we have a very good chance of getting there. (We’re getting there! Where? God help us. I have no idea. It feels like I’m already in hell.)

I would like to thank President Putin and his entire team, whose faces who I know, (blarg!) in many cases, otherwise, other than that, whose- whose faces I get to see all the time in the newspapers, you're very- you're almost as famous as the boss, but especially this one right over here. (Here, he’s pointing at some poor schlep.)

But we had some good meetings over the years, right? Good, productive meetings over the years, and we hope to have that in the future. Let's do the most productive one right now. We're going to stop, really, 5, 6, 7 thousand, 1000s of people a week from being killed, and President Putin wants to see that as much as I do (Hey, dumbass. He’s the one doing the killing). So again, Mr. President, I'd like to thank you very much, and we'll speak to you very soon, and probably see you again very soon. Thank you very much, Vladimir (my love).

PUTIN: Next time in Moscow (where I’ll treat you to another epic game of watersports).

TRUMP: Ooh, that's an interesting one (Putin nods greedily). I don't know. I'll get a little heat on that one (lolz!), but I could see it possibly happening. Thank you very much, Vladimir, and thank you all. Thank you. Thank you. (That was brutal, but thank you for finally shutting up)

PUTIN: Thank you so much (winks).

Footnotes

1. The New York Times reporter was mysteriously compelled to call the limo “The Beast,” which adds to the false narrative that the orange coward of conspiracy is tough.

2. It was reported the next morning.

3. I usually have links for this sort of thing, but I can’t find it at the time of this writing.

4. Rogers, Katie, David E Sanger, Peter Baker, Ivan Nechepurenko, Constant Méheut, Andrew Das, John Yoon, et al. 2025. “Trump Returns to Washington after Putin Talks Yield No Ukraine Deal.” Nytimes.com. The New York Times. August 15, 2025. https://www.nytimes.com/live/2025/08/15/world/trump-putin-meeting-alaska.

5. We sometimes forget just how ludicrous it is that people keep voting for this purveyor of creep. I’m here to offer this reminder, cut from the article in the link:

Trump has vehemently denied the golden-shower allegations but, like the rest of us, is somewhat obsessed with them.

How quickly we forget within the nonstop torrent of malfeasance.

Aggeler, Madeleine. 2019. “Absolutely Every Single Thing We Know about the Pee Tape.” The Cut. April 18, 2019. https://www.thecut.com/2018/04/donald-trump-pee-tape.html

6. I get no credit for this. It comes from an album by Pavlov’s Dog called “Pampered Menial,” a highly underappreciated work of music, mostly because people didn’t like the lead vocalist’s voice. I did, however, and this beautifully laid-out song is part of the reason. Trigger warning: The vocals are very strange, not suitable for most listeners, unless you wanted Geddy Lee to take throat steroids for an even higher-pitched voice…

7. “Here’s the Transcript of What Putin and Trump Said in Alaska.” 2025. Cbsnews.com. August 16, 2025. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/transcript-of-what-putin-trump-said-in-alaska/.

8. Nothing wrong with that, of course, in the proper context.

9. I think he’s referring to the protests in Alaska prior to the meeting, but who knows, for sure?