What, Exactly, Is Operation Epstein Fury?
It's a series of military flexes designed to lure American military generals into Trump's World in the wake of the Epstein Cover-up
There was never a plan. There was only the blind hope from a madman that maybe the right targets would be calculated, then implemented in a precision war designed for the screaming, streaming age.
170 dead children later, an Iranian ayatollah was assassinated, leaving behind an angry supporting cast in Iran that has had 40 years to master the art of decentralized authoritarianism. The dead ayatollah’s replacement immediately issued a fatwa against the American people,1 and the Iranian regime is bruised but not at all broken.
The madman hoped that killing the head of the serpent would rally Iran’s people to dispose of the serpent’s body.
They’d like to. But there’s one problem: The Iranian Revolutionary Guards (IRG). The mainstream press will tell you that the IRG decentralized shortly after the last American/Israeli attack on Iran, but this is incorrect. One of Ayatollah Khomeini’s2 first actions after the overthrow of the Shah of Iran in 1979 was to establish a decentralized military structure.
There were a bunch of reasons for this, but the catalyst was that the angry mullah didn’t trust the army to purge itself of Shah loyalists. So Khomeini created a paramilitary force consisting of young street thugs devoted to the cause of radical Islam.
The IRG has grown since then into a constellation of units dispersed throughout Iran. These units all have the authority to do things like launch missiles without commands from the central government, put down unrest, arrest women for whatever reason that touches their brainwashed craniums, and patrol the streets looking for people to harass and intimidate just for the hell of it.
The IRG is filled with thousands of snipers, gunslingers, and motorcycle enthusiasts who would make Tom Cruise look like he’s still on training wheels.
The IRG also builds schools, roads, and other infrastructure, which helps endear them to the faithful.
The organization of the IRG follows the terrorist template: Independent terror cells everywhere, many of them not even in communication with each other. There is no worry about rogue cells because their devotion to the Islamic Republic is simply never in question.
Various Western security services estimate that the number of these cells distributed throughout Iran is certainly more than 30, but could be as high as 100. Each major city has its own cell. Other cells are distributed regionally.
The Islamic Republic has had forty years to perfect this system. The brutal repression of the recent Iranian protests saw the IRG’s ruthless power in action. Tens of thousands of Iranian citizens were killed during the protests. Maybe hundreds of thousands. Nobody knows because if you’re a journalist trying to do some scouting inside Iran, you’ll be chased by an IRG thug into a detention cell that you might never leave.
None of this is top-secret information. The mainstream press acts as though the Trump regime was surprised at the Islamic Republic’s resiliency after it dropped its first few bombs. But not even the Trump regime is that dumb.
This information has been publicly available for so long that I’m not even bothering with my usual pile of footnotes. It’s basically in the public domain. Everyone who knows anything about Middle Eastern affairs has been fully aware of this situation for decades, which is why normal presidents haven’t launched an attack like this.
It isn’t that other presidents have been afraid of Iran. They’ve been afraid of the backlash that would be unleashed upon the Iranian people in the wake of an attack on that country. That is precisely what is happening now. Every loud explosion that fills Pete Hegseth’s tiny mind with glee reverberates with the sound of a thousand prison doors slamming shut on a thousand Iranians.
This isn’t the first Epstein flex
The first Epstein flex was probably Trump’s attack on his own people through ICE. That hasn’t gone as well as he had hoped, largely because his main advisor on immigration is a fellow simpleton named Stephen Miller, who I wrote about in September 2024 before most Americans had become so intimately familiar with the now fondly nicknamed “Pee Wee German:”
I considered him a danger then, and Herr TrumpEpshTeen wasn’t even in office. In that post I discussed how he was determined to end lives through the court system. Now, he has a massive paramilitary budget to work with. He’d love to see what he could do with that money during the next forty years. If the Iranians can develop a fully embedded authoritarian system enforced by fanatics, I suspect he and his lunatic friends can, too.
But Los Angeles, Chicago, and Minneapolis fought back, sending Kristi Noem under the Trump bus, which is a frequent destination for many Trump women.
Luring the generals
Nothing pops a military chubby faster than new tech. Testing new military tech on Middle Eastern populations (color: brownish) is an age-old bipartisan (but mostly Republican) American tradition.
The Middle East provides a teeming population of hapless victims who have to contend with homegrown tyrants born of old Colonial borders Europeans imposed on them a long time ago, leaders who, ironically, stay in power because the U.S. is always trying to slaughter their people, thus creating an endless cycle of religious and/or nationalist jingoism.
The cruelest example of this, one most Americans still have never reckoned with, was the blatantly illegal invasion of Iraq. In that scourge, George “Bathtub” W. Bush quickly claimed victory, then, through a clownish man named Paul Bremer, created the famous reptilian terror group known as ISIS.
How, you ask? Bremer was named to lead Iraq’s Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA), oversaw the occupation after the initial American blitzkrieg, and then dissolved the Iraqi army under the guise of something the Bush administration called de-Ba’athification.
It may sound like it, but de-Ba’athification was not a cult started by the perpetually unbathed Steve Bannon.
It was supposedly an effort to remove elements of Saddam Hussein’s Ba’ath Party from the Iraqi army. This dumped more than a hundred thousand unemployed young men with military training onto the streets of Baghdad. Many of these young men quickly joined various terror groups such as ISIS.
The bottom line? No de-Ba’athification, no ISIS.
But the main joy derived by America’s military establishment in the various post 9-11 wars centered around weapons systems testing.
One of the most exciting tests involved the Fairchild Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, affectionately known by its pilots as the Warthog.
The A-10 was first unleashed in 1977, but its effectiveness against ground troops as a strafing machine was largely untested until the first Gulf War, which was also aimed at Iraq when Saddam conceived the brilliant plan of invading Kuwait, one of America’s favorite (if not THE favorite) oil sheikdoms. Don’t ask me what drug Saddam was on when he hatched this idea, but the result was a lot of dead Iraqi troops in the deserts of northern Kuwait and southern Iraq.
There were multiple reports, now hard to find on the interwebs, of A-10s strafing Iraqi troops as they fled the scene of the crime. True or not, the A-10 became the drug of choice for bloodthirsty generals hoping to rip a few thousand bodies to shreds in one sitting.
One of the lessons from TrumpEpstein 1.0 that chief of staff Susie Wiles has helped this insane president understand (it’s only taken various minions ten years or so to teach him this lesson) is that you need the generals on your side if you want to impose authoritarianism. The easiest, quickest route to that is to let them turn the handle on the gumball machine and see if a shiny new toy comes out.
The generals talk a big game about caring about their troops, but if they did, they would have found a way to help depose this treasonous pile of liquid dung a long time ago, long before he started contemplating sending American kids into the mountainous Venus flytrap known as Iran.3
The role of new toys and AI is a consistent theme you’ll see throughout the rest of this post.
The next flex: the Caribbean boat slaughters
Whatever lack of enthusiasm there may have been among generals during the initial extrajudicial killings of recreational boaters in the Caribbean was quickly wiped away with this:
“Yay! Look at all those toys we get to play with,” say the loin-engorged generals and admirals of SOUTHCOM. “Let’s slaughter some boaters! Americans won’t care! Our targets are all brown people!!!!”
But the real climax-inducing thrill for American generals and admirals was produced by Claude, the AI tool from Anthropic and Palantir’s Maven system, which were used to target Venezuelan leaders during the attack.
Toys, toys, toys, toys!
Missed Flex: Greenland
The mad clown wanted to attack Greenland, but even generals with hard-ons for gaming out fun new toys have their limits, so they reportedly slapped their collective foreheads and told the foaming idiot of Zorro Ranch, “No.” Besides, many of them probably assumed Greenland was full of white people instead of Inuit, which added to their reluctance.
But the insane Christo-nationalist Hegseth is not finished purging the armed forces of secular generals, so stay tuned. Once word spreads that Greenland is not full of Danes, all bets are off.
Missed Flex Number Two: Canada
See Greenland, above, except there are lots of white people there, which complicates things.
Flexing out Maduro
The attack on Venezuela is well documented elsewhere, but what isn’t yet is the rumor that sonic weapons were used to help expedite the capture of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro during this first major escalation of Operation Epstein Fury.
We know this much: His successor, Delcy Rodríguez, was on Maduro’s side before the attack, and now she’s not so much. This could be the obvious and very human result of opportunism, or it could be that something about the attack scared the pabellón criollo out of her. Only Delcy knows for sure, and she’s been mum about the attack from day one.
Internet rumors spread shortly after about a new sonic weapon used during the assault. This new weapon is said to have done things like make people bleed from their ears before incapacitating them. If such a weapon exists, we will probably find out about it when/if the predator-in-chief deploys American ground troops in Iran.
The Hegseth generals who have been replacing the normal ones during Hegseth’s purge are rubbing their hands together, eager to try out this new weapon if it exists. If it doesn’t, they’re still rubbing their hands together to try a different one.
The next flex: An unwinnable war with Iran? Or does he start a new project like Cuba? Or even Canada?
As Wonkette’s Marcie Jones wrote today…
The Pentagon burned through $5.6 billion in just munitions in only the first two days of the war; it would have been literally cheaper (and surely gotten a better result) if the US bombed the country with a million one-ounce solid-gold coins, roses, and boxes of Godiva chocolates. And now, just 11 days in, the Wall Street Journal is fretting that the US is already running low on Patriot missiles and Terminal High Altitude Area Defense interceptors and could run out of munitions.
People who start wars always seem to be winning them in the early stages. That’s the one advantage to starting a war. The disadvantage is that everyone hates you, but in this war’s case, that’s especially true.
According to the Washington Post, the U.S. military scored a “blistering 1,000 targets in the first 24 hours of its attack on Iran” using AI.4
No matter. Operation Epstein Fury Iran is deeply unpopular among Americans. The polling on this is consistent, with one of the most recent polls by CNN reporting a 59% disapproval rate.5
That’s an astoundingly low number for a newly launched war. The Iraq War enjoyed a 72% approval rate.6 88% of Americans favored the attacks on Afghanistan in the aftermath of 9/11.7
But the military is willing to overlook the clear, unmistakable madness of their chief executive officer because they’ve been handed an abundance of new AI toys to play with.
This is like giving every teenage boy in America a free six-month subscription to OnlyFans with no prying eyes to see what’s up.
These guys are tripping over each other to see what their new toys give them. One account is that Claude AI gave them targeting information that killed more than 150 kids in a schoolhouse, but generals, being all Ooorah all the time, shrugged their shoulders while delighting in the mayhem and toasting to it in the Officer’s Club.
Toys, toys, toys, toys!
And Hegseth’s Army is not concerned much about costs. I can relate. When I was a young boy, my mom bought me a big toy robot almost as tall as I was. The day of its arrival, the robot came under attack by swarms of GI Joes and Major Matt Mason personnel.
The robot was quickly destroyed. There are usually consequences for that kind of thing, are there not?
When my mom saw the pieces of the poor robot strewn across the killing fields on the concrete patio outside, she delivered a series of smacks to my posterior with her biggest wooden spoon, which I think she named Felicia. I sometimes still feel the smacks when I sit in a fast-food restaurant chair.
But no consequences for the Pentagon’s big spenders. Instead, they scurried to spend their yearly allotment as allowed by congressional decree as part of a “Use it or lose it” process that exists in U.S. spending statutes. According to the Open The Books Substack:8
In the last five working days of September alone, the DoD spent $50.1 billion on grants and contracts. That’s more than the annual defense budget of countries like Israel and Italy. In fact, there are only nine foreign countries that spend that much on their military in an entire year!
This included lavish dinners with lobster and other luxury food goodies. Another hat tip to Marcie Jones, who included this old Soviet comic in her Wonkette briefing today:
Progressives in the United States have been pushing for structural changes to the U.S. defense budget since the Vietnam era, but Americans enjoy those fighter jet stadium flyovers too much for any substantial change to even find its way to the table.
And now, the generals have more new toys than they know what to do with, thanks to AI. It doesn’t take great imagination to visualize a general sitting in his office whose only task is to see the day’s newest AI proposal stream into his Meta eyewear.
So what’s next for Iran? Ground troops? Maybe even a nuke? When a madman is cosplaying a king, anything is possible.
The lunatic has been making a lot of noise over Cuba lately, too. Marco Rubio has long dreamed of avenging the exodus forced upon his parents by Fidel Castro’s revolution. One minor problem with that dream is that Rubio’s family emigrated to the U.S. a few years before Fidel took it over, but what’s a few details to a newly converted MAGAt?9
If Marco were any slimier, he’d be able to squeeze himself through a pinhead on Herr TrumpEpshTeen’s diaper.
We can’t even discount Canada as a future target for these pinheads (speaking of). The mad cos player’s latest late-night True Sociopath screed referred to Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney as the future governor of Canada.10 I used to scoff at this kind of bloviating, but now? Who knows. He’s insane. Nothing can be discounted.
As Hegseth continues his purge, more commanders will be invoking a Holy War during these insipid strings of attack on the world’s various sovereign nations.
It would be just like this regime full of dunderheads to leverage AI for “precision-targeting” a nuclear target in Iran, and drop one on New York City.
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Footnotes
A fatwa is a formal declaration against a person or group of people by clerics, asking Muslims worldwide to implement its decree.
Ayatollah Khomeini was the assassinated guy’s (Khameini) predecessor and founder of the Islamic Republic
By a coup? No, by simply revealing to the public all of his malodorous proposals and refusing to participate in his assaults upon the world. They are actually legally bound to refuse unconstitutional orders, as former generals and Senator Mark Kelly have pointed out.
Copp, Tara, Elizabeth Dwoskin, and Ian Duncan. “Anthropic’s AI Tool Claude Central to U.S. Campaign in Iran, amid a Bitter Feud.” The Washington Post, March 4, 2026. https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2026/03/04/anthropic-ai-iran-campaign/.
Documentcloud.org. “CNN Poll Conducted by SSRS War with Iran,” 2026. https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/27693899-rel3a-iran/.
Newport, Frank. “Seventy-Two Percent of Americans Support War against Iraq.” Gallup.com. Gallup, March 24, 2003. https://news.gallup.com/poll/8038/seventytwo-percent-americans-support-war-against-iraq.aspx.
Newport, Frank. “Public Opinion of the War in Afghanistan.” Gallup.com. Gallup, October 31, 2001. https://news.gallup.com/poll/9994/public-opinion-war-afghanistan.aspx.
Welna, David. “Rubio Tries to Clarify How His Family Left Cuba.” NPR, October 24, 2011. https://www.npr.org/2011/10/24/141663197/rubio-tries-to-clarify-how-his-family-left-cuba.
