A Guest Post from Donald J. Trump
Can you believe there are people who talk like this? And are actually the President of these here United States?
Programming note: Ruminato, the world’s greatest news service, is pleased to have as our guest writer the world’s most prolific poser, the immortal, the most powerful and exalted, the world’s greatest president in history, Donald J. Trump.
He was kind enough to share in writing the bulk of his recent speech to the U.S. Naval Academy.
The editors have annotated our guest writer’s post in [bold italicized brackets].
By Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, Herr to the Throne, America’s Pedoführer, Master of American Carnage
I’ll tell you, a person I’m very, very proud of, he has stepped up and he’s hitting home run after home run. They love him. I want to introduce, again, a man who’s just exceptional. I’m so happy with this choice. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth. Thank you, Pete, doing a job.
I said, “Pete, what do you think? You know, we used to call it Secretary of War, the Department of War, the War Department. Now we call it Defense. And I don’t know, would you ever want to? You know, we won World War One. We won World War Two. We won everything in between.
We won everything before. And all of a sudden, they decide to change the name. They weren’t woke then, too, you know. Woke is a long-term word. I said, what do you think about changing it to the Department of War?” He said, “I love it, sir.” That was about the end of it, right? That was the end of it. Thank you, Pete. Great job. He’s a great leader.
Also, Secretary of the Navy, a very, very successful man. He gave it all up to do this.
[He gave up his private equity business? Why do I doubt that, kind sir? I’m sure the rank and file love the guy even though he had no prior experience in the Navy. But he did marry a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, so at least I understand why you like the guy enough to reward him for his campaign contributions.]
And we’re designing more ships. We have more ships being built shortly. We’re going to be able to have more great ships being built than we’ve ever had being built in the history of the Navy. John Phelan. John, thank you. Great job, John. He made a lot of money in the private sector. And I said, “You want to do this, John? We need a lot of ships, and we need them fast.” And he said, “I want to do it.” He gave up a lot. Gave up everything to do this. But he’s loving it, and he’s doing a fantastic job.
Chief of Naval Operations, Admiral Daryl Caudle. Admiral, thank you. Great. Great job. Rear Admiral Gavin Duff. And along with so many different people here, that I could introduce them all day long.
I don’t want to do that because we got to get to business, talking a little bit about war and peace. But along with your great officers here at Norfolk Naval Base, Vice Admirals John Gumbelton. John. Thank you. Thank you, John. Great. Young guy. You’re a young guy. Great. Doug Perry and Rob Goucher. Thank you.
[What about me? I’m young. And virile. Ask anyone who doesn’t know me.]
And a very special thanks to a man who just got a 93 percent approval.
[?]
He runs the Veterans Everything, I call it. He’s Veterans Everything. The VA Secretary, Doug Collins. He’s doing great. Thank you, Doug. Doing a great job. Ambassador Monica Crowley. Monica, thank you very much.
A man that everybody loves. He was my doctor in the White House, and I got to know him very well. He was also the doctor for Barack Hussein Obama. Have you heard of him? And he was the doctor for a man named Bush. And at a press conference, they asked him, “Who’s in the best shape? Who’s the healthiest? Who’s the strongest? Who’s the best physical specimen of the three?” He said, “That’s easy, President Donald Trump.” And I said, “I love this guy. I love him.” Ronnie Jackson.
[Just to be clear, your highness, you’re talking about the same Ronnie Jackson who was demoted by the Navy from Admiral to Captain after a Defense Department watchdog said that, according to CNN, “he drank on the job, routinely screamed at subordinates and acted inappropriately.” That former physician of yours?]1
[Just checking, your eminence. Please don’t send Governor Abbott after me.]
He’s now a congressman, as you know. So, he was an admiral.
[Heh, before he was demoted to Captain]
He was the chief doctor. He was the old boss of doctors. And now he’s a very, very successful congressman from Texas.
[Because Texans are the only humans on earth who would elect him. Sorry. Carry on, sir…]
Thank you, Ronnie, very much. And I appreciate those words. I’ll never forget them.
Jen Kiggans. Jen, thank you. John McGuire. Rob Wittman. Dan Crenshaw.
[Dan is still around? That’s so cool! I wrote about Dan a few years ago and reposted it here in February. Have a look, your worshipfulness!]
]
Derrick Van Orden. These are unbelievable, talented people that are with me, and they fight.
[Do they blow up family outings in speedboats? If not, that’s not fighting.]
Thank you very much, fellas. Thank you.
[Editor’s note. At this moment of the speech, Melania pinched him in the ass to soften a goyter.]
Thank you very much, darling.
These are great congress warriors. That’s what you have to be today, in Congress, if you’re going to make it.
I also want to recognize all of the newly-pinned chief petty officers — you got a lot of them here today — I had to approve it
[This would explain the goonish and obsequious applause at even the most profound absurdities, no, Herr Orangeherr?]
— who recently earned their anchors and now bear their venerable title, Navy Chief. Navy Chief. Thank you, Navy Chiefs.
Let’s also express the gratitude of our entire nation to every Navy veteran who has come out to honor this big anniversary.
[Like my dad, who fought for ANTIFA against fascism when he was a Navy PT Boat driver in World War Two?]
We see so many veterans. I saw backstage how we’re shaking hands with veterans all over the place. And they are great. And they’re respected and they’re loved. Thank you very much. Stand up, if you’d like. Thank you very much. They’re really loved. I saw it backstage. I saw so many veterans, and my hand will never be the same. Thank you very much. A great honor.
And a very special thanks to the countless Navy families who support our sailors with such love and devotion. None of what are — and think of this — without them, you wouldn’t be celebrating today. Many of you would not be doing very well. Male or female, you wouldn’t be doing very well. So, we want to thank our family members, right? All of them. Parents, husbands, wives. Thank you. Thank you very much.
[Like my dad, who fought for ANTIFA against fascism when he was a Navy PT Boat driver in World War Two?]
From the American Revolution until today, the story of the U.S. Navy is the tale of loyalty, sacrifice, and commitment stretching back 250 years.
[Like my dad, who fought for ANTIFA against fascism when he was a Navy PT Boat driver in World War Two?]
So, we’re celebrating 250. I almost thought I wouldn’t get to do that because I was President in 2016, and then they rigged the election on me. And then we caught him, didn’t we? We caught him.
[Wait. Who did we catch? Dammit, dementia!]
But, you know, we had to run it again. I ran it again, and I got 250, and I got the World Cup, and I got the Olympics. Can you believe all of it?
[Head spinning achievements, your eminence]
In my first term, I was the one that got the Olympics. I was the one that got the World Cup. And I said, you know, the sad part is, maybe I’ll go, maybe I won’t even be invited because it won’t be during my term. I would say, if we’re a Democrat, I might not be invited. They don’t love me exactly too much. And then when this happened, now all of a sudden they got all three. But you know what’s the most important? Two hundred and fifty years is the most important. We love World Cup, we love Olympics, but we got them all coming.
And on June 14th, next year, we’re going to have a big UFC fight at the White House, right at the White House, on the grounds of the White House.
[We’ve added an exclusive look obtained by Ruminato of an unsanctioned cage fight between White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles and Attorney General Pam Bondi. We’re theorizing here at Ruminato headquarters that this is a practice round.]
When the Continental Congress formed a fleet of just two ships in October 1775, many scoffed at their chances against the most powerful empire on Earth. That was the most powerful ever, relatively speaking. We had two ships.
We had nothing other, but we had great heart. They didn’t know the audacity and the grit of the American sailor. They had no idea.
[Ah, yes, the Audacity of Hope!]
The War for Independence gave us some of the greatest American heroes of all time, including the father of the U.S. Navy, Captain John Paul Jones. You know that. When a far stronger British ship demanded his surrender, Jones yelled back that timeless battle cry right now. “I have not yet begun to fight.” Don’t ask me for that. Think of that. I could just say it. He’s a wise guy. He’s asking. I haven’t even begun to fight. And he knocked the hell out of them.
[Lolz]
In the War of 1812, Captain James Lawrence shouted his final words to his crew. As blood streamed down from his mortal wounds, “Fight her till she sinks,” he yelled. “Don’t give up this ship. Don’t give up the ship.” These are all incredible, very, very famous statements now. With years and time, very famous. Don’t give up the ship. I say it all the time. You’re a little behind. I say, don’t give up this ship. But we win. We all know how to win.
[Also, these immortal words: Our bone spurs shall march us away from the fight! And all fights!!]
Today, that eternal creed is written into the hearts of every sailor in the fleet. America’s Navy never, ever gives up the ship, right? We never give it up.
[Like my dad, who fought for ANTIFA against fascism when he was a Navy PT Boat driver in World War Two?]
Another titan of the early Navy was the great Commodore Arthur Sinclair. He defeated the French in the Caribbean Battle. And then he went to work on the Barbary Pirates off the coast of Tripoli and raided British forces when they were so powerful in 1812. The War of 1812. He raided them. He was knocking them out one by one. Everyone said, where does this guy come from?
And we’re all descendants when you think of it.
Commodore Sinclair went on to become the commanding officer here at the Naval Station Norfolk, right here, where he founded a nautical school for officers that eventually became the one and only U.S. Naval Academy. And I’m going to be at your Army-Navy game this year.
[Chronic venous insufficiency permitting]
Who am I going to root for, huh?
You may be surprised.
It’s going to be great. We’re going to be here.
Generations of the Commodore’s descendants have forged their own towering legacies of service in the Navy, and we’re joined today by his fifth great-grandson, Commander Link Mustin. Where is Mustin? Commander Mustin, where are you? He’s here. Wow, look at this handsome guy. That’s good genetics. He’s got good genes.
[You know who has good genes? This guy:
]
Thank you very much. Commander, thank you for continuing a family tradition that has endured for two and a half centuries. Can you believe that, huh? I wonder if they were as good-looking as you. I doubt it. You just got better with age, right? Congratulations. Is that young man your boy? Wow. He beats you. They beat you. That’s what we want to see.
[A little on the creepy side there, Herr PedoFührer. Gotta remember, these transcripts live forever]
Over the generations, our Navy sailors raised Old Glory above the streets, and Veracruz sent the Spanish fleet to its watery grave in Manila Bay and buried the vicious German Wolfpacks at the bottom of the sea. Those were vicious, vicious Wolfpacks. They were brutal. They were hitting us hard, and then we came up with the answer, didn’t we? We came up with a way to knock them out, and we were knocking them out so fast, they didn’t know what to do. It was really the end, once we discovered the secret through some brilliant minds. A lot of them are descendants of the people here right now.
[A lot of them are kids? Wait. I’m confused]
In every era of conflict, the Navy has never failed to hunt, kill, and to win. Never failed. Never failed.
In World War II, Admiral Bull Halsey’s motto, “Hit hard, hit fast, hit often.” And that is exactly what the sailors do. One of those warriors was Submarine Commander Eugene Fluckey, who sent more Japanese tonnage to the ocean floor than any other man in history. I don’t like to talk about it too much now. You know, they’ve been a nice ally. But anybody from Japan here right now will get off the subject immediately. But think of it. Sent more tonnage to this bottom of the sea, one after one. Brought the famed USS Barb. He destroyed a Japanese tanker and a carrier with a single salvo to his men’s chagrin. They were very concerned about it. They didn’t think we could do that, and he just knocked them out one after another. And again, torpedoes were flying. But his greatest feat came when he spotted 30 enemy ships at port off the coast of China. You know that. A very famous story.
Commander Flukey ordered his men to their battle stations, slipped into the harbor, and sank six vessels at one time before taking off into the beautiful, wild, blue ocean. He received four Navy Crosses, the Legion of Merit, and the Congressional Medal of Honor. That was a brave guy. In recognition of the incredible achievements of the USS Barb under his command, this December we will lay the keel of a brand-new Virginia-class submarine bearing that same legendary name. And his grandson, Tom, will be there to pick it up.
Tom is with us today, and I want to thank you for keeping that great legacy around. Where is Tom? Oh, look, stand up, Tom. Great. Good, Tom. Thank you. That’s good. That’s good genes, too, Tom. Isn’t it? That’s good stuff. Thank you very much, both, for being here.
[But, is he handsome?]
From Midway to the Coral Sea, to Leyte Gulf, American sailors fought the most epic naval battles in history, and at Normandy, the Navy led the greatest armada ever formed to deliver the single largest invasion force the world has ever seen.
[Like my dad, who fought for ANTIFA against fascism when he was a Navy PT Boat driver in World War Two?]
One of the sailors who did it was Felix Maurizio, who enlisted at age 18 and trained right here in Norfolk. Trained right here. On D-Day, June 6th, 1944, Felix manned an amphibious landing craft that did six harrowing runs to Omaha Beach.
[Hail ANTIFA!!]
You all know about it. These are all famous fights. He delivered hundreds of American troops into the battle, including his brother, Sal.
Felix lost so many of his friends that day, but he kept fighting. He kept going out there, getting more soldiers, getting more of everything. He just kept coming. They couldn’t stop him, and went on to serve in the Pacific under the great Admiral Nimitz. In February 1945, he spent his 21st birthday landing Marines on the blood-soaked sands of Iwo Jima, one of the bloodiest, toughest battles ever. Historic battle.
[The history of ANTIFA is full of these kinds of heroic tales. With more to come! Soon!!!!!! All Hail ANTIFA!]
Six months later, he was aboard the USS Talladega in Tokyo Bay. When Japan surrendered, they said, “I don’t think we want Felix hitting us anymore.” And he retired as a chief petty officer in 1966. This year, Felix celebrated his 100th birthday, and he is here this afternoon as a living testament to the glory of the United States Navy. Wow. That’s great. He looks good.
[Better than you and your chronic venous insufficiency, if you don’t mind me saying so, your eminence.]
Felix, you look better than I do. I’m not happy about this, Felix.
[Well, you can’t have me arrested now that you’re in agreement, can you?]
No, they don’t want to mess around with him. And Felix, we salute you. Thank you very much. Incredible. 100 years.
In Korea, American sailors and Marines carried out the daring landing in Inchon and flew more than a quarter of a million combat sorties against the enemy. It was an amazing effort.
In Vietnam, the Navy unleashed Operation Rolling Thunder and deployed a brand new unit, the Navy SEALs, to tear up Mekong River Delta.
The problem with Vietnam, we stopped fighting to win. We would have won easy. We would have won Afghanistan easy. We would have won every war easy. But we got politically correct. Let’s take it easy.
[Let’s not blow up families in speedboats!]
We’re not politically correct anymore, just so you understand. We win. Now we win. We don’t want to be politically correct anymore.
[Now, we blow up families in speedboats! We rappel off Chicago apartment buildings from helicopters and gather naked kids together and arrest them! We are winning!]
And history will never forget that it was the SEALs who stormed the compound at Osama bin Laden and put a bullet in his head. Remember that.
[Thanks, Obama]
And please remember, I wrote about Osama bin Laden exactly one year ago, one year before he blew up the World Trade Center. And I said, “You got to watch Osama bin Laden.” And the fake news would never let me get away with that statement unless it was true.
But I said one year before to Pete Hegseth, I said one year before, where’s Pete? In the book I wrote, whatever the hell the title, I can’t tell you. But I can tell you there’s a page in there devoted to the fact that I saw somebody named Osama bin Laden, and I didn’t like it, and you got to take care of him. They didn’t do it. And a year later, he blew up the World Trade Center. So we got to take a little credit because nobody else is going to give it to me. You know the old story? They don’t give you credit, just take it yourself.
[Is this similar to grabbing a pussy? Asking for a friend.]
And it was the U.S. Navy that dumped his wretched corpse off the decks of the Carl Vinson to sink into the dark abyss.
[Props to Susie Wiles, the AI Queen, for that line!]
The Navy’s central role in the defense of our liberty continues to this day. Just a few months ago, the Ohio-class guided-missile submarine played an indispensable part in one of the most spectacular military feats the world has ever seen, the obliteration of Iran’s nuclear sites in Operation Midnight Hammer.
How did that work out? Pretty good, right? And we shot 30 Tomahawks, you know that? On top of — and to the B-2. How about that? The B-2s, what they did, those beautiful flying wings, what they did, they hit every single target they hit.
[Ruminato can confirm that this is indisputable. If you hit everything you hit, this means, by definition, that you hit everything you hit. ]
And just in case we shot 30 Tomahawks out of a submarine, every one of them hit, too. So I would say Iran was not particularly thrilled.
They were going to have a nuclear weapon within a month. And now they can start the operation all over again, but I hope they don’t because we’ll have to take care of that, too, if they do. I let them know that. You want to do that, it’s fine, but we’re going to take care of that, and we’re not going to wait so long. It should have been done long before I came along.
You know that I had the pilots of the B-2s in my office, the famous Oval Office. I had them in the B-2s. They came in to the White House, and we talked about it. They said, “You know, sir, for 22 years, our predecessors and us trained for that hit. For 22 years, they were training to take out the nuclear potential of Iran.” You said, “But it was only when you came along that we did it.” And they were so happy that they did it. But they’ve been training for that hit for 22 years, but no president wanted to do it. They would have had a nuclear weapon within a month, probably within a month or shortly thereafter. And speaking to them would have been much more difficult.
[That’s a mouthful, sir]
In recent weeks, the Navy has supported our mission to blow the cartel terrorists the hell out of the water. You see that? And you know, there are no boats in the water anymore. We can’t find any.
[“Dad, I don’t think it’s a great idea to go speed boating tonight.”]
We’re having a hard time finding them. But you know, it’s a pretty tough thing we’ve been doing, but you have to think of it this way. Every one of those boats is responsible for the death of 25,000 American people and the destruction of families. So when you think of it that way, what we’re doing is actually an act of kindness.
[Editor’s note: You should mention how amazing those Venezuelan boats are for being able to power their way through 1600 miles of Caribbean ocean currents to Key West to drop off their massive cargo of dangerous drugs. Just a thought, your highness.]
But we did another one last night. Now we just can’t find any. You know, it’s the old story. We’re so good at it that there are no boats — in fact, even fishing boats, nobody wants to go into the water anymore.
[Real men don’t need to eat or feed their families, anyway.]
Sorry to tell you that. But we’re stopping drugs coming into America, if that’s okay. We’re stopping drugs at a level that nobody has ever seen before.
Last year, we lost, I believe, 300,000 people.
[🔍]
And that’s not talking about the destruction to families. Every one of us knows families that have been destroyed because the son, daughter — even mothers and fathers are destroyed by the fentanyl pouring in and drugs pouring in. Well, they’re not coming in by sea anymore, so now we’ll have to start looking about the land, because they’ll be forced to go by land.
[Hi, Governor Abbott. Can you spare a few more overweight, aging, white Texan men for the battle ahead?]
And let me tell you right now, that’s not going to work out well for them either.
[For the aging white Texan men?]
And it was the Truman carrier strike group that unleashed American fury on the Houthi terrorists in the Red Sea. And as you know, they settled. But they settled because they made the statement, “We’ve never been hit like that ever before.” And earlier this year, conducted the single largest airstrike from an American carrier in history. That was the largest ever.
I want to express my personal thanks to every single sailor who contributed to these phenomenal victories. We only know victory. We’re only going to know victory. We don’t want to know the other — the other word.
[Good thing. Your personal vocabulary maxes out after about 240 words.]
We want to know victory. We’re going to have great victories in the years to come. Well, at least for almost three and a half years, we’re going to have great victories.
[The doctors are actually giving you that long to live? Have they seen you up close lately, champ?]
I want to thank a group of women from North Carolina.
[Ruh Roh]
Look at these great — will you stand up, please?
[Don’t do it!]
These beautiful women have followed me. This is number 151. You could call a rally. This is sort of a rally. Let’s face it. This is a rally. This is a speech of love. We’re all — we all love our country. But that group is from North Carolina. They’re up to about 151 visits. They have a whole group of them. I never see their husbands. I don’t know what’s going on with their husbands. I assume — do they still love you, the husbands? Yes? Good. But I want to thank you. 151. They’ve been following me since 2016.
[I’m not 100% sure what’s going on there, but Hegseth isn’t gonna be happy with all these women warriors, beautiful or not, unless you can get him drunk enough to not notice.]
And you look even better now than you did then. But I want to thank you very much. It’s a really group. They love our country. They like Trump. But you know what they really do? They love our country. And we have the right policy, right? We have policy. We don’t want crime. We don’t want men playing in women’s sports. We don’t want transgender for everybody. We don’t want to have open borders where millions of people come into our country from jails, from prisons, from mental institutions and insane asylums. Drug dealers, murderers — 11,788 murderers were allowed to come into our country. A lot of them are gone.
[Especially transgender murderers! They say stupid things like, “I killed she/him!”]
And, by the way, Washington, D.C. is a safe place right now. It went from one of the most dangerous cities in our country — can you believe that? — to probably the safest — among the safest in our country. Nobody is being hit anymore. It’s very safe.
[https://mpdc.dc.gov/newsroom]
And I want to thank you. A lot of the people here have helped. A lot of the people in the audience are people that have straightened them out. It took 12 days. Think of that.
[Ruminato, in the interests of everyone’s sanity, has truncated the rest of this endless post. You can read the full transcript here:
https://singjupost.com/transcript-president-trump-remarks-at-the-navy-250-celebration-event/
Notes
Although the mad clown did not actually send this transcript to Ruminato, these are his words (except the stuff in brackets), except a few paragraphs were cut out and the end was skipped because I simply could not go on any longer.
Like all of his speeches, this displays strong evidence of his impaired mental and cognitive state. Note that his historical references were surely created by someone else, probably the henchwoman in chief, Susie Wiles.
Thanks for reading!
Footnotes
Liebermann, Oren. 2024. “Navy Demoted Ronny Jackson in 2022 after Scathing Watchdog Report.” CNN. March 7, 2024. https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/07/politics/navy-demoted-ronny-jackson.