Breaking... Trump Announces Plan To Invade Antarctica

Ruminato has exclusive access to the invasion plan

Dec 23, 2024

Not content with threatening Panama, Greenland, and Canada, Elon Musk’s right-hand man today announced that he would order the invasion of Antarctica on Day One of Elon Musk’s presidency.

Musk has apparently signed off on the plan. Late this afternoon he tweeted, “Invade Antarctica? Why not?”

Ruminato has obtained an exclusive battle plan created by Trump, which he announced on Truth Social:

“I made this all by myself. The generals will sign off on this if they want to avoid being sued or removed from office!!! Forward!!!!”

In a post on Truth Social, Trump said:

“First we send armored divisions to surround the island. We will include carrier battle groups as well! Very excited for this important victory that is coming up!!!! My thanks in advance to all the brave service personnel who will be participating! I prefer soldiers who win!”

In another of many posts from Trump this afternoon, he wrote:

“Anartika has been neglected for too long!!!!!! Fifth largest continent in the world!!!!!!!! Like America, starts with an ‘A’ and ends with a ‘A!’ Will build many great cities there. A new Trump tower as well! Welcome to the New South!!!!!”

Trump wrote a total of seventy-five posts on the topic. In one, he wrote of his concerns regarding an apparent inability to contact the government of Antarctica:

“Happy to give the fine people of Anartic a chance to avoid bloodshed! Just contact me to surrender. I have been unable to reach the president of Anartica!!! Have met him many times. An outstanding leader who represents the great people of Anartica very well! Hoping he will listen to reason, but ready to take appropriate action if he is unwilling to cooperate. Looking forward to speaking soon!”

President Biden was at Folsom Prison today interviewing pardon candidates and was unavailable to comment on this report.