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Michael G's avatar

So the man and pink jogging tights woman don’t make eye contact at first. But maybe when they agree to coffee or at the bottom of butt slide incline? Please tell me she has large dark ebony eyes. Deep. Mysterious.

Free suggestion. I don’t charge unlike your editor.

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Charles Bastille's avatar

Me editor is an idiot. But he works for free and is either my doppelganger or my clone. And yes, I should have something about the eyes. Very much a work in progress, but that would be a good addition, especially in a story like this, thanks!

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Ellen Pepper's avatar

This is fascinating.

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Charles Bastille's avatar

Thank you for taking the time to read it. It’s very much a work in progress.

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G May's avatar

The jumps (snaps?) in the narrative were jarring and, at the same time, quite fluid and exhilarating. It’s a damn fine start… I’d read more😏

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