12 Comments
User's avatar
Scott C. Dunn's avatar

Ok. I have a numbered list, in priority. I won't contain myself here. Sorry.

1. The more savory and salty, the better. Those smells just hang with you even after a shower. Sloppy Joes and Chili Dogs all the way.

2. If the projectiles won't stay together when flung by hand, use a catapult.

4. This is actually very exciting news to me, as a wanna-be member of the Fully Informed Jury Association. Why?

5. If normal, moral people refuse to hand down a felony indictment to human sandwich catapults, there is only misdemeanors. That means they can still vote if convicted.

6. If prosecutors even try to indict sandwich hurlers, that's a negative commercial on TV for the next election (all prosecutors are elected for a reason).

7. Then it's just a matter of promotion. I'm channeling Wendy O. Williams here, but in a very legal context. Just imagine tens of millions of people refusing to indict anyone for throwing a sandwich at the masked goons of ICE. All at once, in one big glorious refusal.

8. Then prosecutors will have to pursue real criminals guilty of real crimes, with real victims, to get re-elected.

Thanks for the mention. :)

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

I always appreciate it when people put so much thought into their comments.

Expand full comment
EllenPepper's avatar

Realizing that all of these sandwich suggestions sound delicious, I would like to propose a plan.

How about we eat the sandwiches, allow our bodies to process those sandwiches and then extrude those sandwiches as fecal matter to use in combat. Technically, if no other foods are involved, the stool in question is still a sandwich weapon.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

Another great idea. I'll pass it on to someone.

Expand full comment
Eddie Spaghetti's avatar

🤣

Expand full comment
D. Denise Dianaty's avatar

How about messy, squishy foods like tomatoes on the edge of going off? Or melted milkshakes? Offer 'em a glass of sweet tea, make it super stick sweet, then throw it at their gobs. Better yet, make it with salt.

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

Approved.

:-)

Expand full comment
Michael G's avatar

French Fry Poutine Sandwich - I can just picture these flying across the border from Canada.

I do have one question. When the grand jury broke for lunch, what types of sandwiches did they order?

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

Good question. I'm guessing Big Macs, which are now the only items allowed on the federal dime.

Expand full comment
Kay-El's avatar

I saw a picture of that federal agent’s hand. I get bloodier deadheading my roses without gloves. 🙄

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

If you had the brain of the orange pustule, you'd sue your roses.

Expand full comment
Charles Bastille's avatar

Lol! :-)

Expand full comment