Oh, great.
Now he’s got imaginary Iranian friends.
In case you haven’t heard, El Loco EpsteinAFreak issued this all points bulletin this morning while he was nursing a ketamine hangover:
First off, there is no such thing as a “Department of War.” This exists only in his damaged brain. And KegsBreath’s goofy news conferences.
His Iranian counterparts were a series of imaginary Mojtaba Khamenei clones similar to the Biden clone that appeared in his head during the election.
Iran’s official news agency, Mehr News, issued a statement that said something like, “Huh? Nobody told us we held these talks.”1
This comes on the heels of his issuing a 48-hour deadline to Iran to open up the Strait of Hormuz, where one-fifth of the world’s oil traffic squeezes through to satisfy the world’s insatiable thirst for black, liquified soot.
The penalty if the Iranians failed to heed Herr TrumpEpshTeen’s edict? He promised to commit a war crime! Yeppers, ladies and gentlemen, he promised to obliterate Iran’s energy infrastructure, starting with the country’s largest power plant.
This, of course, is against the Geneva Convention and is a war crime. Secretary-General of the United Nations, António Guterres, even found a cable news channel or two willing to hear him say that it’s a war crime in between floods of Ozempic ads.
Sidebar: I’m still looking for mainstream media coverage of what the lunatic said about Robert Mueller’s passing. Someone wake me when this is over.2
Meanwhile, stocks rose this morning because the idiots who scurry around chasing money all day believe a mentally ill bozo.
He had to pull back on his threat, because he was reminded that what little was left of his cherished oil economy would be torn asunder, which Iran said they’d meet double, or something like that.
This is like a fight between the most childish bullies in the second-grade school yard who want to hold first prize for hating girls the most.
And none of it is satire.
I’m compelled to state this because I occasionally write satire.
This is all real.
The only thing he hasn’t done yet is declare himself King of Qom, which is the breeding ground for misogynist Iranian Ayatollahs.
But don’t be surprised if he does.
Qom is the capital of fundamentalist misogyny, where hatred of women is taught in fundamentalist Islamic schools with such vigor that kids stumble out of the classroom each day with visions of handcuffed women in hijabs and miniskirts. It’s where a lot of fundamentalist American Christo-nationalists get their best ideas. Ironic, no?
The Burger King will lie his way out of this war within the week, I suspect, and then he’ll make another Epstein deflection, probably to Cuba, upon which he is already unleashing terrible business by cutting off its energy supply and plunging it into darkness.
What he has done to Cuba is already a war crime, and Americans, for the most part, have shrugged it off.
He wants to turn Cuba into Haiti, and he probably will. Because Americans will let him.
This is a very sick man. But this nation isn’t much healthier.
I wonder what the enablers of this obscene presidency think when they’re heading into work each morning.
How do they respond when their kids complain as their lunch boxes fill with Lunchables, “Dad, the kids are making fun of me again.”
I find it hard to believe that all of them are this clueless. This regime is so deeply corrupt, with money flying under every table, that the only rational explanation for this endless madness is that they’re fattening their wallets at such historic levels that it will take an army of Muellers bigger than the army of Ayatollahs in the Predator in Chief’s broken brain to sort it all out.
And then, guess what? Americans will say, “We’re tired of this shiz, let’s move on,” and there will be no accountability for all the crooks who are using the American government as one big heist machine.
A Democrat will become president, clean up the mess a bit, and get replaced by another Republican when the prices of something go up a smidge.
Then, more Mideast wars on the credit card.
And on and on the cycle goes.
Notes
Am I overly critical of Americans? You tell me. 78 million of them voted for this stuff, mostly because they can’t bear the thought of a female president. What am I supposed to say? Keep up the good work?
Hey, at least I’m getting a lot of mileage out of my Trump straightjacket pic.
Thanks for reading!
Footnotes
Some folks refer to Mehr News as a semi-official news agency, but, nah, it’s a mouthpiece for the rancid ayatollah regime even more so than Fox News is for ours.
His saying, “I’m glad he’s dead,” should be the headline of every news outlet for a month. The American news media is broken, and there’s nobody around willing to try to fix it.
The only thing I can say in response is that I will only vote for a Democrat for president who agrees to hold this entire criminal cabal accountable for their crimes. In order for our country to heal from the many instances of crimes against humanity, they must all be charged and tried for the hell they’ve enacted on the American people.
Don Qom? 🤭