Trump to Ukraine: "To Russia with Love"
By the numbers: How the mad clown is trying to give Ukraine to Vlad Putin (profits!)
So, oligarch-turned-diplomat Steve Witkoff created an AI-generated peace plan for Ukraine with the help of a Putin buddy from Moscow. The plan cedes all of the Ukrainian territory won in battle so far to Russia, plus Crimea, and provides an epic potential cash cow for Trumpland.
I’ll review each point of this so-called peace plan shortly.
First off, who is Steve Witkoff, and why the hell is he running around trying to sell AI-generated peace plans?
He is the same guy who, with an assist from Jared Kushner, used AI to generate a peace plan for Gaza. That plan is falling apart as I write this, but the only people surprised are Trump fanboys and cultists.1
Now, he’s the lead “diplomat” who is trying to foist a Ukraine/Russia peace plan on very angry and frustrated Europeans, who are appalled at the giveaway to Putin. The plan was hatched by Witkoff and a Russian diplomat named Kirill Dmitriev, who is head of the Russian Direct Investment Fund.
The plan had no input from Europeans or Ukrainians. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is trying to figure out how to respond to the insanity.
Steve Witkoff is a rich guy with long-term Trump ties
To get an idea of who Witkoff is, let’s start with this quote from Politico:2
“Witkoff needs to see a psychiatrist.”
That quote, Politico is reporting, comes from a “senior EU politician” who was confronted by the new reality of Witkoff’s 28-point AI-generated “peace plan” (I’d love to see the prompts on that one).
Europeans are collectively smashing their heads against the wall after viewing the document because it threatens to undo years of work on how to finally attain peace for the exhausted people of Ukraine, who’ve endured a Russian invasion against their nation since February 2022.
The profiteers strike again
Money being the center of the universe, the Europeans seem more upset about the proposed destination of impounded Russian assets than the formal capitulation of Ukraine or for rewarding Russia territorially for the invasion:3
For months European Union officials have been trying — and failing — to work out a way to use around €140 billion of immobilized Russian state assets held largely in Belgium to support Kyiv’s war effort. The cash is desperately needed as Ukraine is at risk of running out of money early next year.
Talks in Brussels are now at an extremely delicate stage, diplomats said, as top officials try to finesse a legal text that would enable the frozen funds to be used for a loan to the Ukrainian government.
But the United States’ new 28-point blueprint for a ceasefire includes a rival idea for using those same assets for American-led reconstruction efforts once a truce has been agreed. The U.S. would take “50 percent” of the profit from this activity, the document said.
Wait. What?
Yep. You read that right. “The U.S. would take ‘50 percent’ of the profit.”
A diplomat added the notion of America seeking to profit from assets held in Europe sounded like classic Trump.
I’ve included the full plan in this post. See Point Number 14 for the profits part (in fairness, the whole thing seems like it’s about profits).
I’m probably not being fair to Europeans here. I’m sure they’re annoyed by the ceding of territory, too. As with anything Trump, where to begin? Everything is kooky and strange.
Okay, we know these guys are all crooks, but who exactly IS this guy?
Steven Witkoff is a real estate tycoon (of course, he is) who says he’s chummy with Vladimir Putin (because of course he is!).4
He apparently developed his “negotiating skills” as a real estate lawyer before he started sucking up piles of money. At real estate law firm Dreyer & Traub, he picked up a client guaranteed to satisfy the most important requirement in all successful businesses: a repeat customer. That customer was Donald Trump, who was probably already addicted to lawsuits.
In 1985, after witnessing up close how easy it is to be a crooked real estate developer, Witkoff started Stellar Management with a guy we don’t care about. They specialized in acquiring inexpensive apartment buildings. It only took about ten years for the firm to add 85 buildings and more than 3,000 apartments to its portfolio.
We can be sure that all of that was accomplished by his “skillful negotiations,” and not his ability to finagle New York real estate law to his advantage.
By 1996, he had acquired enough capital to get a loan from Credit Suisse First Boston to purchase a New York City landmark, 33 Maiden Lane, where he promptly leased 13 floors to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.
My readers being smarter than the average bear, I’m guessing you’re all already beginning to see patterns forming.
But don’t worry, I won’t be posting any theories that Trump is cozying up to Zohran in the hopes that Zohran will go easy on Mr. Piggy’s oligarch friends in New York City. Nope. I would never do that. Although, luckily, in this fictional world I’ve just conceived, the Zohran character is one of the good guys and merely smiles and nods when Trump inexplicably (according to his fawning mainstream media press reports) kisses his ass so effusively and publicly when they meet.
Okay, sorry for that. Back to Steve.
Witkoff jettisoned his partner at Stellar Management in 1997 by starting his own firm, called, of course, the Witkoff Group (narcissists like to name companies after themselves).
It took the Witkoff Group almost zero minutes to be able to claim ownership of 7,500 apartments. By 1998, his company was managing 11 million square feet of commercial real estate and had established a foothold in hotel properties, land development, the construction industry, and other things that give real estate tycoons late-night chubbies.
This included the $65 million purchase of Pepsi-Cola’s 522,800-square-foot, 206-acre headquarters in Somers, New York, in Westchester County, where, Witkoff proudly proclaimed, he could develop 640,000 more square feet of office space, and probably did.5 I’m sure all this was done on the up and up.
After that, it was one golden deal after another, all of which allowed Witkoff to amass enough wealth to buy half of Europe. He developed the One High Line condominium project in Manhattan.
He also obtained the largest loan in the Miami record books (for its time), a massive $430 million construction loan from J.P. Morgan (but of course!) for a place called Shore Club Private Collection.6 You know, I probably couldn’t get J.P. Morgan Chase to extend the credit limit on my Visa card. And this guy’s copping a $430 million loan.
But I’m not bitter.
Witkoff quickly sold $550 million worth of condominium inventory for the project. As I write this, I’m realizing that I shouldn’t be slamming him; I should extend an olive branch and give him twenty bucks and see what he can do with it. I’d be a millionaire in a week.
Anyhoo, he bought and sold lots more.
He even bought a casino, Fontainebleau Las Vegas, for $600 million — without bankrupting it like you know who!7 Partly because the project was already bankrupt.
Then, he flipped it before construction was complete to Koch Real Estate Investments (yes, those Koches (Kochs? Coaches? — where’s my editor!!!!!?????)). That’s right. Double parentheses. No editor!
By now, astute reader, you’re probably understanding why Steve Witkoff is the child predator’s United States Special Envoy to the Middle East (and Putin).
Oh, my dear friends, there’s a lot more. But I sense you’ve got enough of an idea now, so let’s move on to the peace plan he generated with the help of one of the tech bro oligarchs’ AI systems.
Here’s the plan as reported by AP, with my annotations in italics:8
1. Ukraine’s sovereignty will be confirmed.
Umm, already was? Worldwide. By every nation on earth. Even the weird ones. Thanks, though.
2. A comprehensive non-aggression agreement will be concluded between Russia, Ukraine and Europe. All ambiguities of the last 30 years will be considered settled.
This sort of informs us how the AI prompt was developed. “Make it something Trump would do.” Result: ambiguities!!
3. It is expected that Russia will not invade neighboring countries and NATO will not expand further.
Sorry, Ukraine, no NATO for you! Yes, I’m aware of the old argument that NATO expansion set off the childish, destructive Putin on his path of sadism, but no, I don’t buy it. Did NATO expansion lead Putin to the destruction of Grozny in Chechnya?
4. A dialogue will be held between Russia and NATO, mediated by the United States, to resolve all security issues and create conditions for de-escalation in order to ensure global security and increase opportunities for cooperation and future economic development.
I don’t even know what this has to do with anything other than for me to say, “AI-generated.”
5. Ukraine will receive reliable security guarantees.
Also AI-generated. Well, all of it is. But this is pretty solid evidence for my claim.
6. The size of the Ukrainian Armed Forces will be limited to 600,000 personnel.
Can we reduce Russia’s to 50 personnel? They’ve been a pain in the ass since the Second World War.
7. Ukraine agrees to enshrine in its constitution that it will not join NATO, and NATO agrees to include in its statutes a provision that Ukraine will not be admitted in the future.
If you want an example of why this “plan” can never pan out, this is it. NATO, for one thing, doesn’t have statutes. It’s not a nation. It has a charter. The charter is that thing that says an attack on one nation is an attack on all. Somebody fire the prompt engineer.
8. NATO agrees not to station troops in Ukraine.
Most peace plans are between the two countries involved, Steve.
9. European fighter jets will be stationed in Poland.
All of them? Or… what? What does this even mean, Steve?
10. The U.S. guarantee:
Can’t wait. (Jon Stewart Voice: Go on…)
— The U.S. will receive compensation for the guarantee;
Yay! Profits! Who do we get compensation from? South Park Satan? Also, do we all get a Ukraine Peace Treaty Payment delivered to our bank accounts? If so, when?
— If Ukraine invades Russia, it will lose the guarantee;
So, if they invade after I get my disbursement check, I have to pay it back? I hate Ukraine! Also, who do I pay it back to? Oh, right. Steve Witkoff. Of course!
— If Russia invades Ukraine, in addition to a decisive coordinated military response, all global sanctions will be reinstated, recognition of the new territory and all other benefits of this deal will be revoked;
Get serious, Steve, CaligulaTrumpus can’t coordinate a Happy Meal delivery. Also, can you clarify how recognition of the new territory will be revoked after Russian invades Ukraine again? Just for ducks?
— If Ukraine launches a missile at Moscow or St. Petersburg without cause, the security guarantee will be deemed invalid.
Just to be clear… Novosibirsk is not off limits? How about Yekaterinburg? Kazan? Nizhny Novgorod (one of the coolest names for a city ever)? Chelyabinsk? How about Krasnoyarsk? Shouldn’t we spare Krasnoyarsk? Oh my, the stench of AI tools is making me reach for an oxygen mask.
11. Ukraine is eligible for EU membership and will receive short-term preferential access to the European market while this issue is being considered.
While what issue is being considered, Steve? And, gulp, you do understand the obvious dichotomy of allowing EU membership but not NATO membership, right?
Right??????? Steve, I am beginning to think you should stick to casinos.
12. A powerful global package of measures to rebuild Ukraine, including but not limited to:
— The creation of a Ukraine Development Fund to invest in fast-growing industries, including technology, data centers, and artificial intelligence.
Here is where we get to settle in and get down to some serious profit-taking, isn’t it, Steve? Somebody call my (fictional) banker! No, sillies, not the collection agency that called me last night.
Also, did I see that magic phrase, “data centers?” Yeehaw! And AI! ChatGPT, what do you think of my evaluation so far?
“Charles, I’m amazed at your intuition and grasp of world affairs. If I could, I’d push you down on the couch and JD Vance you until you stroked out again.”
I love you, ChatGPT!
— The United States will cooperate with Ukraine to jointly rebuild, develop, modernize, and operate Ukraine’s gas infrastructure, including pipelines and storage facilities.
Call my investment banker! What? I don’t have one? How am I supposed to capitalize on this?????? Steve, if I give you that twenty bucks, can you convert it into a million? I bet you can!
Here’s a special button for Steve:
— Joint efforts to rehabilitate war-affected areas for the restoration, reconstruction and modernization of cities and residential areas.
That sounds a lot like the Gaza AI-generated “peace plan.” Has anyone looped Jared Kushner in on this? Oh, right, according to press reports, you have. Well done, Steve!
— Infrastructure development.
Well, duh. Hi, Jared!
— Extraction of minerals and natural resources.
Let’s strip mine Ukraine! But keep an eye out for live mines, maybe.
— The World Bank will develop a special financing package to accelerate these efforts.
Lolz. I bet it will.
13. Russia will be reintegrated into the global economy:
It was only really integrated before in that its rather extensive oligarchy-funded mafia managed to get a foothold in some America cities. So, more of that? Or what?
— The lifting of sanctions will be discussed and agreed upon in stages and on a case-by-case basis.
But first, you’ll need AI to generate some proposals.
— The United States will enter into a long-term economic cooperation agreement for mutual development in the areas of energy, natural resources, infrastructure, artificial intelligence, data centers, rare earth metal extraction projects in the Arctic, and other mutually beneficial corporate opportunities.
I will admit to loving the idea of data centers in the Arctic. Can we store all the oligarchs in cold rooms there? Thank you for your attention to this matter.
— Russia will be invited to rejoin the G8.
That might require buy-in from a lot of pissed off Europeans, Steve.
14. Frozen funds will be used as follows:
— $100 billion in frozen Russian assets will be invested in US-led efforts to rebuild and invest in Ukraine;
To hell with those crazy Europeans who had other plans for it! Does Belgium know about this? You'd better be careful, Steve, or the ghost of King Leopold will trap you in a cage and set you on fire.
— The US will receive 50% of the profits from this venture. Europe will add $100 billion to increase the amount of investment available for Ukraine’s reconstruction. Frozen European funds will be unfrozen. The remainder of the frozen Russian funds will be invested in a separate US-Russian investment vehicle that will implement joint projects in specific areas. This fund will be aimed at strengthening relations and increasing common interests to create a strong incentive not to return to conflict.
I have a template for this brochure, Steve. After we invade Venezuela, I’ll forward it to you. I assume you have Maduro on speed dial?
15. A joint American-Russian working group on security issues will be established to promote and ensure compliance with all provisions of this agreement.
I’m digging these increased ties to the country that gave us TrumpenFührer. Our future is grand, indeed.
16. Russia will enshrine in law its policy of non-aggression towards Europe and Ukraine.
I realize that this is AI-generated, but would it be too much to include a prompt that tells the AI how to generate a plan for how this provision works? Do we call the Duma to session? Or will Putin simply poison anyone who says mean things about Ukraine now that everyone is happy?
17. The United States and Russia will agree to extend the validity of treaties on the non-proliferation and control of nuclear weapons, including the START I Treaty.
Woah. How.. wait… this… Is the AI machine broken, Steve? Because, as nice as that sounds, it just seems a teensy, weensy bit off topic. Note to Susie Wiles’ prompt engineers: Stay focused, kids. I think you’ve been consuming too much Red Bull.
18. Ukraine agrees to be a non-nuclear state in accordance with the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons.
Umm, remember the deal made about nukes before this little kerfuffle involving the bombing of Kyiv children’s hospitals? No? Of course you don’t, Steve. You do have access to Google, though, right? There, you can learn bigly about how Ukraine relinquished all its nukes in return for statehood!
19. The Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant will be launched under the supervision of the IAEA, and the electricity produced will be distributed equally between Russia and Ukraine — 50:50.
That seems fair, since it was on Ukrainian territory when Russia invaded. Beautifully done, Steve.
20. Both countries undertake to implement educational programs in schools and society aimed at promoting understanding and tolerance of different cultures and eliminating racism and prejudice:
DEI! In Ukraine! And Russia, too!!! I love this one!
Tell me this, Steve, my man. Does this mean that Putin won’t use teenagers from the non-Russian provinces as cannon fodder in his next invasion?
— Ukraine will adopt EU rules on religious tolerance and the protection of linguistic minorities.
Since when did we start liking minorities? Also, I’m confused. All of a sudden, the EU is cool? Has anyone told your boss? I thought they were all communists.
— Both countries will agree to abolish all discriminatory measures and guarantee the rights of Ukrainian and Russian media and education.
Kind of like how we did with Critical Race Theory and school library bans?
— All Nazi ideology and activities must be rejected and prohibited.
Does this mean the end of the Trump regime? Yay!!! Love it! Well done again, Steve!
21. Territories:
Ruh-roh.
— Crimea, Luhansk and Donetsk will be recognized as de facto Russian, including by the United States.
All those dead Russian soldiers can put that on their burial stones, right, Steve? And to the families of the dead Ukrainian soldiers? I guess we give them a brochure for expensive condominiums on Kushner Shores that they can’t afford. Long live late-stage capitalism!
— Kherson and Zaporizhzhia will be frozen along the line of contact, which will mean de facto recognition along the line of contact.
It’s already frozen there, Steve. It’s mid-November. And what’s with handing all this territory to Russia? If I were a cynic, I’d think your boss has a special “relationship” with Putin.
— Russia will relinquish other agreed territories it controls outside the five regions.
Can you be more vague, please, and thank you?
— Ukrainian forces will withdraw from the part of Donetsk Oblast that they currently control, and this withdrawal zone will be considered a neutral demilitarized buffer zone, internationally recognized as territory belonging to the Russian Federation. Russian forces will not enter this demilitarized zone.
So, demilitarized, but belonging to Russia. Yeah, that makes sense, Steve. I think I need to see my ophthalmologist now because my eyeballs rolled into the back of my head.
22. After agreeing on future territorial arrangements, both the Russian Federation and Ukraine undertake not to change these arrangements by force. Any security guarantees will not apply in the event of a breach of this commitment.
Steve, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you read the previous 21 provisions, I think there isn’t much of a security guarantee to worry about here.
23. Russia will not prevent Ukraine from using the Dnieper River for commercial activities, and agreements will be reached on the free transport of grain across the Black Sea.
May I refer you to my Kushner Shores brochure?
24. A humanitarian committee will be established to resolve outstanding issues:
— All remaining prisoners and bodies will be exchanged on an ‘all for all’ basis.
— All civilian detainees and hostages will be returned, including children.
— A family reunification program will be implemented.
— Measures will be taken to alleviate the suffering of the victims of the conflict.
I can’t make fun of this, but I’m glad AI hasn’t yet turned on us helpless humans.
25. Ukraine will hold elections in 100 days.
Because the whole world loves Zelenskyy and your boss doesn’t, Steve? This is a clever bit, maybe too clever for AI. I’m guessing Susie Wiles jumped in with some human intervention at this stage. What better way to remove Zelenskyy than to get him to sell out his nation and then make him run for re-election?
26. All parties involved in this conflict will receive full amnesty for their actions during the war and agree not to make any claims or consider any complaints in the future.
Because war crimes should never face accountability?
27. This agreement will be legally binding. Its implementation will be monitored and guaranteed by the Peace Council, headed by President Donald J. Trump. Sanctions will be imposed for violations.
Lol at “Peace Council headed by President Donald J. Trump.” Alert Mr. Nobel!
28. Once all parties agree to this memorandum, the ceasefire will take effect immediately after both sides retreat to agreed points to begin implementation of the agreement.
This point, of course, is potentially the most tragic. The concept of both sides withdrawing to agreed points (left out of the agreement) is laughable, especially when no such agreed points have been negotiated.
This is like me saying, “Since you’ve agreed to give me all your money, here’s that button again:”
Steve, you should stick to making money the old-fashioned way. I don’t think it quite works with diplomacy. I guess this is what all those voters who say, “We need a businessman as president!” are looking for, though.
Thanks for reading!
Update
After a shock and awe response from allies, Secretary of State Marco Rubio (it still feels weird writing that) has distanced the MadClown 2.0 regime from the document, saying, essentially, that it was a trial balloon.9
How this fits with the Thanksgiving deadline the Mad Clown imposed on Ukrainian President Zelenskyy is anyone’s guess.
We have a way of getting peace. We think we have a way of getting peace. [Zelenskky is] going to have to approve it,” President Trump said Friday.10
Update Number 2
Last night (Saturday, November 22), Rubio countered that, no, yes, but of course, the plan was authored by AI the U.S.
These people have no idea what the hell they are doing.
Footnotes
“Hamas Threatens ‘Ceasefire Over’ as IDF Strikes Terrorists | the Jerusalem Post.” 2025. The Jerusalem Post | JPost.com. November 22, 2025. https://www.jpost.com/israel-news/defense-news/article-874788.
Ross, Tim, Gregorio Sorgi, Clea Caulcutt, and Bjarke Smith-Meyer. 2025. “‘Witkoff Needs a Psychiatrist’: Europeans Fume at Trump’s Plan to Profit from Frozen Russian Assets.” POLITICO. November 21, 2025. https://www.politico.eu/article/steve-witkoff-needs-a-psychiatrist-europeans-fume-at-donald-trump-plan-to-profit-from-frozen-russian-assets/.
Politico, ibid
“Trump’s Special Envoy Claims He Developed ‘Friendship’ with Putin after Trip to Russia.” 2025. RBC-Ukraine. 2025. https://newsukraine.rbc.ua/news/trump-s-special-envoy-claims-he-developed-1740127282.html.
The New York Times. 1998. “In the Region / Westchester; Office Vacancy Rate Is Continuing to Inch Up,” October 18, 1998.
Capital, Monroe. 2023. “PROFILEmiami South Florida Real Estate and Lifestyle.” PROFILEmiami South Florida Real Estate and Lifestyle. July 21, 2023. https://profilemiamire.com/miamirealestate/2023/7/21/witkoff-group-and-monroe-capital-close-on-record-breaking-loan-for-shore-club-private-collection.
America, Gaming. 2021. “Las Vegas Strip Resort Formerly Known as Fontainebleau May Finally See Completion.” Gamingamerica.com. February 12, 2021. https://gamingamerica.com/news/1368/las-vegas-strip-resort-formerly-known-as-fontainebleau-may-finally-see-completion.
“This Is Trump’s Plan to End the War in Ukraine.” 2025. AP News. November 21, 2025. https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-war-trump-plan-92b2c89b62f4326ff67abc5613c9b59e.
“U.S. Senators Say Rubio Denied That Ukraine-Russia Peace Plan Originated from U.S.” 2025. Cbsnews.com. November 23, 2025. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/u-s-senators-say-rubio-denied-that-ukraine-russia-peace-plan-originated-from-u-s/.
News, Scripps. 2025. “Trump Gives Zelenskyy a Thanksgiving Deadline to Accept a US-Proposed Peace Plan.” Aol.com. AOL. November 22, 2025. https://www.aol.com/articles/trump-gives-zelenskyy-thanksgiving-deadline-003623227.html
It has to be that this is too good for a big engagement, where it could take a while for readers to start breathing and start writing. Big wow!
One thing that keeps echoing in my mind, as a single contradiction that says it all, is draining the swamp of all those foreign criminals we've let cross our borders, who in fact mostly aren't criminals, while filling the swamp with all those American criminals being pardoned, who for sure all are criminals.
I do think the craziest people are us, who are letting a demented person with access to that big button, who includes cruelty on his list of being the best at everything, remain in office.
The $100 bn is not for Ukraine, but for rebuilding and renovating the oil and gas pipelines so they can transport oil and gas from Russia to Europe via Ukraine (and perhaps the Nord Stream 1, of which both pipes were blown up, and one blown NS-2). Nothing will be used for Ukraine.