No Colonoscopies From You, White Boy

Most Trump supporters are white people, so stay away from my ass.

Image licensed from Adobe Stock

I’m at the age where colonoscopies are as routine as your morning latte. In my case, the two often share a room. Don’t worry. This isn’t an article about colonoscopies.

It’s an article about people in my demographic. It’s about how I won’t entrust people from my demographic to do important things for me, like perform a colonoscopy, do my taxes, or (especially) write my will. Why? Because those people are suffering from badly impaired judgment.

If I think there’s even a chance you voted for Trump in the last election, or, worse, might do it again, I’m not gonna let you stick something up my butt. Full stop.

So, yes. For the sake of my general health and welfare, unless polling data changes significantly, I’m profiling you if you are a white dude. Not just an older white dude, either. Any white dude.

There’s a myth about my specific demographic. The myth is that if it wasn’t for us old white guys, the world’s most prolific con man wouldn’t be the danger that he is to society.

Numbers from 2020 presidential election exit polling, according to the New York Times,¹ refute this.

58% of all white voters voted for Trump in the 2020 elections

That’s all white voters. Not all old white voters.

You would think that number would be because old white guys like me are skewing the results. Yeah, no:

• 61% of all white men voted for Trump.

• 55% of all white women voted for Trump.

• 53% of white voters aged 18–29 voted for Trump.

• 57% of white voters aged 30–44 voted for Trump.

• 61% of white voters aged 45–59 voted for Trump.

• 57% of white voters aged 60+ voted for Trump.

A clear, decisive majority of white voters voted for Trump regardless of age group. Young, old, middle, it didn’t matter. If you’re a white person, statistics say that you likely voted for Trump.

Another myth is that “rural counties” are responsible for the Trump nightmare.

False.

It wasn’t just people in poor rural counties voting for him. 54% of voters making $100,000+ voted for him.

If you’re a white dude or dudette, and you didn’t vote for him, the chances are you hang out regularly with multiple people who did. Maybe they won’t admit it, but they’re there. They are all around you. They may be your dog’s vet or your kid’s childcare provider.

If you didn’t vote for him, you need to be more vocal about it, not less. Maybe you’re tired of the whole thing. I am too. But that won’t stop me from giving a verbal smackdown to anyone who plans on voting for someone with 34 felony convictions. And counting.

I shouldn’t even have to mention the fact that he was found liable in a civil trial for raping a woman and has something like two dozen women (I’ve lost count, but I doubt they have) lined up with the same kind of complaints. Or that he can’t speak coherently and thinks some people are eating our pets.

Those of us who’ve been enduring this walking malfeasance of a man for the last eight years know that it’s about a lot more than his felony convictions (with more in the nest) and his open contempt for women and people of color.

He’s changed the texture of the country. He’s made it meaner, more violent, more racist.

His daily actions embolden incels and people with very large guns to kill large numbers of people. Some of these guys are even trying to take shots at him.

Because of him, people who were living under rocks are now out in the open, slithering around waiting for an opportunity to spew out their venom and toxins and bullets.

And now, white folks look poised to vote for him again, despite all this. Despite everything they’ve learned about him during the last eight years. In too many cases, because of it. They’re willfully ignoring how he handled the pandemic when he was responsible for 400,000 deaths because he doesn’t believe in or understand basic science.

When the New York Times released a poll² by Siena College showing Trump leading in a few sunbelt states, many people dismissed it. But the polling aggregator FiveThirtyEight is showing a tight race, too. Are the polls as wrong as many of us think they are?

Maybe. But also, maybe not.

The situation is serious. It seems that many people think that his indictments and convictions make him a hero of some kind. Sort of a John Dillinger of dung heaps.

Well, I don’t know what else to do, so I’m not doing business with my fellow white people unless they can prove to me that they aren’t suffering from damaged cognitive thinking. If this is some weird zombie virus that infects the mind, I’m gonna vaccinate myself against them by staying away.

I know it’s not fair to automatically disqualify a little more than 40% of the people in my general demographic who didn’t vote for him when I consider doing business with them.

But, like a cop body-slamming a Black kid for driving with a broken taillight, I don’t care. Profiling is profiling. Nothing fair about it.

Prospective colon-scopers, tax attorneys, financial analysts, and others skilled at various assaults to my nether regions will henceforth automatically be people who are not in my demographic until the polls change.

You might think I have trust issues. You’d be correct.

Voting for this guy is evidence of a lack of cognitive thinking. It would be nonsensical to allow such a person anywhere near something of importance to me, whether it’s my butt or my taxes.

Yes, this is probably reverse profiling. Maybe it’s even cancel culture. But numbers are numbers.

And what of my subscribers? Surely, you might think, at least a few of them are considering a vote for Trump. Well, my position on that is that if they’ve lasted this long with me after my months-long barrage of anti-Trump screeds, they’re at least open to reconsidering.

It isn’t enough to say we didn’t vote for the guy if you’re a sensible person in my demographic who loathes the ground he stands on. We have to tell others not to, as well. There may be consequences to that, such as losing readers.

But this is not a normal election about policy. There are no policy considerations here.

If I were a diehard libertarian, I’d still vote for Kamala Harris, just like hundreds of well-known Republicans like Dick Cheney and George Will are doing. 

Polls indicate that their fellow white folks in the conservative ranks are not following their lead, so it’s up to rational people to help fix that.

If your politics trend in the opposite direction, and you’re frustrated that Kamala is part of a Biden regime that is enabling Netanyahu’s genocide, that doesn’t justify voting for Trump or sitting out the election (essentially the same thing as voting for him).

Harris has no impact on foreign policy. That’s all on Biden. Even if she disagrees with Biden on foreign policy, she can’t do, or, even more importantly, say anything. Saying something in public that disagrees with Biden’s policy would be a national security issue. That alone would disqualify her from the job.

I am a bit left of Bernie on most policy matters, so I understand the general frustrations around our broken two-party system.

How are we gonna fix things like climate change if we’re constantly chasing our tails just trying to keep this guy out of office? We need better government, and we’ve got just one political party in the country that isn’t crazy. And they’re owned by big companies.

We’re spinning our wheels in a mudslide.

In a sane political system, the libertarian conservatives would be able to do their thing, and progressives could counter them with theirs, and those in the middle would simply override us in every presidential election like they always do. But that’s not a consideration in this election.

Enough is enough. Take note of the people around you, and call them out if they think voting for an openly defiant insurrectionist and serial sexual assault/con artist is a good idea.

We’ll figure the rest of it out after he’s safely behind bars.

Thanks for reading!

NOTES

1. National Exit Polls: How Different Groups Voted (Published 2020)
Estimates from exit polls offer an initial indication of how groups voted on election night.

2. New York Times Siena 2024 Poll of sunbelt states