Substack Perks Come to Ruminato [UPDATED]

Updated with a standalone PDF available for purchase (or to paid subscribers for free), and a full TOC for the short story collection

With a full table of contents for the short story anthology at the end of this post.

Image created by author, no AI. Download the Perk here!

While Europe was burning last week, I donned my designer hat to create a couple of Substack perks. I have more planned, so this is just a start.

I’ve been wrestling with ways to say thank you to paid subscribers without changing the nature of the Ruminato Substack, which follows the NPR model: Everything is free, including the Comment section: Pay if you can.

Like most of you, I am a paying subscriber to a very limited number of Substacks. I can’t pay for all the ones I’d like to. I rotate a few of them in and out of my paid subscription queue for budget reasons. But just the bigger ones, because they can handle the hit no matter what they say.

I don’t know how many people feel the same, but I’m sort of offended by the paywall system that hides content from non-paying readers. I’m not crazy about limits on comment sections, either, but I understand that from the larger Substacks, especially women, who are constantly under attack by lunatics. Their comment sections can quickly become cesspools, so it’s easiest, I guess, to just limit comments to paid subscribers.

At the same time, I gotta eat. And I’m not talking steak dinners. I’m talking those cheap Taylor Farm explosive diarrhea meals. Yes, as someone now on limited income, that’s my primary sustenance.

Charles, you idiot, my always clever readers will retort, you do know that that’s not the only way to eat a salad, right?

Alas, everyone’s a critic.

Anyhoo, my solution, thanks to Substack’s new(ish) feature, is to begin a series of perks.

Before I was a ranty Substack writer, I was a software guy (but not a tech bro!). Before that, and this is where Perks come in, I was a graphic designer and art director. This means I can do things like crank out a book in Adobe InDesign (expensive, but wonderful software) in a matter of hours.

So, I did. Twice!

If you look on the desktop version of the Ruminato website, you will see a menu item called “Perks.” All the perks I create can be found by clicking that link.

You can also find them here, so bookmark this page if you don’t want to lose the info:

https://www.ruminato.com/perks

For now, these are PDF versions, but other formats are coming.

Vampire Elegy

The first perk is my novel in progress, the sequel to Psalm of Vampires, tentatively titled Vampire Elegy. Each chapter is available free here on Ruminato. But paid subscribers get the perk of having them all in one place in the form of a PDF file (other formats coming soon).

You can always find the free version starting here:

Vampire Elegy — A Psalm of Vampires Sequel

The downloadable book is available to paid subscribers here:

The book version is a downloadable file that requires a paid account. It will be updated each time a chapter is published.

Note that Vampire Elegy is a work in progress. The title might change. The plotline might change. Genders might even change. Fun fact: When I first started writing MagicLand, he was a she and she was a he. Then I flipped them. After an initial shock, the characters recovered, and it turned out okay!

See? Republicans worry too much.

Short story anthology

The great conceit of any writer is that we assume other people want to read our stuff. There is heady blindness to truth in that regard, I’m sure, but I proceeded as if with my next Substack Perk, which is an anthology of all my fiction here on Substack.

There is more of my fiction here on Substack than I realized. Enough to fill a nearly 400-page book.

If you’re a paid subscriber, you can find the book here:

Honestly, it’s still a little rough around the edges, but I will keep updating it until I’m totally happy with it, which means it will probably get updated 1,398,543 times. At least.

I will also be making the anthology available to all my subscribers for a very small one-time donation (about the cost of a Taylor Farm salad, hopefully without the repercussions). I’ll send out a “Breaking News” email when that becomes available. It will also show up on Amazon soon.

I hate the fact that it is necessary to rely on Amazon so much, but hey, if Kamala had been elected, Lina Khan (pdf link) would have been able to maintain her plan to break up Amazon, so blame the people who didn’t vote for her. We’d be living in a very different world now if so many men didn’t hate women so damn much.

UPDATE

This is now available as a standalone digital download for $4.99:

See the Table of Contents at the end of this post.

No AI

I don’t use AI for any of my writing. Not for plot development. Not for character development. Not for names. Not for anything. The best way to encourage human writing is by supporting those who shun AI, especially if you like the work. You don’t have to pay a dime. A simple restack helps tremendously.

So check out the perks. More are on the way.

Thirty Minutes and Other Short Stories Table of Contents

This is the TOC from the book. Click-tapping the page number takes you to the story here on Substack (free).

Note: the page numbers could be slightly different in the PDF if any major text updates are made that might reflow the text. The PDF version has its own TOC.

General Considerations
These are short stories independent of any of my novels.


Thirty Minutes	8
Can one phone alert change the world?

The Box	18
A man faces a bizarre heatwave and a catatonic wife

The Illegal Alien	31
An extraterrestrial visitor stumbles into a world of trouble

Walking with Hemlock	40
When your implacable enemy becomes your best friend

Conversations on a Bank Floor	51
A short story about the nightmare of revolution

Hijacked	57
I don't know who she is anymore

Born a Savage	77
A messiah’s last breath in the oceans of Europa

Quantum Blues	82
A man is incarcerated for a crime he can't commit

Princess Time Slut Visits Costco	93
A short story wherein our heroine discovers a phone

A Dust Storm for Daisy Gilbert	100
A little baseball story with a dust storm thrown in

Gorzon the Magnificent	105
Can smiles from a young girl's heart slay a monstrous memory?

The Fifty Planets of the Broken Messiah	110
Questions from a distant world.

Seeking Amy	117
Pandemic fiction about discovering those closest to us.

Johnny Neuron	125
Wherein our hero goes brain surfing.

The Story Where His Lordship Drops a Jesus Bomb	135
The Adam and Eve story isn’t what you think.

Cat Jesus and the Holy Lawn Dart	143
This story is the prequel to "The Story Where His Lordship Drops a Jesus Bomb."

That Time God Sent a Galaxy-Sized Fireball to Earth	149
His Lordship discovers some unpleasant truths behind a little planet's inhabitants.


Restive Souls
Restive Souls is my alternative history novel about a great African nation that rises in Carolina Low Country. These stories are part of the novel's timeline. but separate from the novel.

Onlooker	156
A mysterious stranger approaches the Creek town of Pakanahuil

The Day the World Got Woke	161
Fiction that will terrify those who promote the great replacement theory

Songs of Narragansett: The Black  Liberation of Newport	175
A small band of untrained soldiers helps the British win the American Colonial Rebellion


The MagicLand Chronicles
These stories are part of the MagicLand novel timeline. but separate from the novel.

Triage	181
A young woman returns home after the Third Eradication. Let the magic begin.

The Fires of Easterly	191
Little did we know that beneath the glow of the continuously burning Easterly fires was a city of magic.

The First Reckless	201
Helping someone revisit their past can come in handy once in a while. Just ask Gladstone Freely.

The Death of Charlie Hollywood	209
My name is Charlie Hollywood. Before the First Eradication, I was a crypto gamer and financier. It’s all gone, now. All of it.

The Cutting	216
A simple cut turns into a hellscape. Trigger warnings: gore

Scarlett’s Kitchen	234
It’s her kitchen. She can do what she wants.


The Wanderer	243
A ghost hunts for prey in the new land of magic.


The Futurists	251
Some say magic began to appear before Old Earth fell.

The Cesspool Mermaid	257
She was living in a small shallow pond full of toxic waste.

The Dragons of Sierra	266
Will a new menace alter the conflict between magicians and augmented humans?

The Graft Queen	269
He sliced the head clean off the Gath. Why didn’t it grow back?

Mary Catches Fire for Free	274
The Gath had nearly destroyed us. Then along came Mary.

The House of Nadab	280
Welcome to our house, where you choose how to die.

The War Dogs of Lamar	287
May the best beasts win. A MagicLand short story.

Welcome to You+	294
It's time for a new, augmented YOU! A MagicLand Chronicles fiction short story.

The Return of PeeWee Secaucus	297
A lawyer discovers the gift of magic.

The Dragons Amongst Us	308
There are some who say that there is a third species. Not of Gath. Not of Moria...

The Rise of the AI Reich	315
A MagicLand short story about a very possible near future.


Psalm of Vampires Short Stories
Psalm of Vampires is my potboiler novel about a streaming, bible-thumping vampire who gets caught up in a huge Atlanta murder mystery. These stories are adjacent to the novel, but separate. 

The Vampires of Bodie	322
The Mouras Encantadas discover the American West.

A Song for Vampires	330
An Easter story: Atticus Argeadai (Jade Mourning) visits the Middle East.

Charly and the Pink Lady	335
A noir vampire love story based on a "Psalm of Vampires" character.


Memoirs
Two memoirs.

Pouring Boiling Water Over Children	346
Redemption in the arms of madness on a cold winter day.

That Time I Learned the First Woman I Fell in Love With Ended Her Own Life	352
A remembrance of unrequited love.

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Thank you for reading. I love all of you, unless you’re Andrew Tate and reading this between rounds of cage fighting with your neighbors in your new home.

Have You Reported Andrew Tate Yet? [UPDATED]

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Notes

I generally shun generative AI art, too. I’ll admit to some curiosity when it first emerged, but since I’ve been using Photoshop since it was a tiny application called Barneyscan bundled with scanners, there’s no excuse for me using it. I have found that more and more stock images I use as a base image are AI, though, so stuff slips through once in a while.

For those wondering: I’m aware of less expensive graphic software than the Adobe stuff, but it’s what I know. I’ve been using it for nearly 30 years. Canva, for example, looks wonderful. But I’m getting too long in the tooth to think about switching now.

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